Exploring the Studio Space...

My Predictions for the 2008 Election

2008-09-18T10:38:00.000-04:00

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Me Having to Study For These Exams! That's What's S...NF!

2007-04-27T15:51:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, I just feel like sitting down in front of a keyboard and writing for hours on a very personal level.

This is not one of those times. Here's a real commercial I like...

...and a fake commercial I like:

Finally, watch Blake at 2:08. Sanjaya, we hardly knew ye.

To those of you in finals: good luck.

To those of you who are not: don't worry, you'll get yours.

The Brilliant Old Gringo

2007-03-18T23:57:00.000-04:00

An Associate Justice of the Supreme Court was sitting by a river when a Traveler approached and said: "I wish to cross. Will it be lawful to use this boat?"

"It will," was the reply; "it is my boat."

The Traveler thanked him, and pushing the boat into the water embarked and rowed away. But the boat sank and he was drowned.

"Heartless man!" said an Indignant Spectator. "Why did you not tell him that your boat had a hole in it?"

"The matter of the boat's condition," said the great jurist, "was not before me."

- Ambrose Bierce, A Defective Petition, in The Collected Writings of Ambrose Bierce, 612 (5th ed. 1970).

Mohammed Claims Responsibility for 9/11, WTC Bombing, Katrina

2007-03-15T11:52:00.000-04:00

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Suspected terrorist Khalid Sheikh Mohammed confessed to mastermining over 30 attacks and plots in the U.S. and worldwide that killed thousands of victims -- including the 9/11 plot, the 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center, and Hurricane Katrina -- according to a revised transcript released Thursday by the U.S. military.

In his first public statements since his capture, a broken yet defiant Mr. Mohammed expressed regret for taking the lives of children and said Islam doesn't give a "green light" to killing, while still promoting his extreme ideology. "I don't like to kill people. The city of New Orleans and its kids were necessesary casualties in our war of independence."

Mr. Mohammad later confessed to the assassination of William McKinley, the My Lai massacre, and SARS.

In a prepared statement, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow touted Mr. Mohammad's confessions as support for President Bush's pro-torture policy.

I'm Hilarious

2007-03-10T16:29:00.000-05:00

From an e-mail sent to a student earlier today:

"A good example of this is Brown v. Board, which is actually two separate but equally important decisions that are commonly denoted Brown I and Brown II."

Get it? I'm such a dork.

U Don't Have 2 Be Beautiful 2 Turn Me On

2007-02-04T23:44:00.000-05:00

I continue to be baffled by the phenomenon that is Prince. Apparently, many women find him attractive. I think he looks like a woman who has taken enough testosterone to grow a whispy mustache and some chest hair. During the Superbowl halftime show tonight a female friend of mine told me, "It's all about sex. Every time I hear a Prince song I want to have sex." Intrigued by this explanation, I decided to text message my girlfriend to get her reaction.

My text: "Does Prince make you feel sexy?"

Her instantaneous response: "Nothing about him makes me want to have sex. Ever."

God, I love this girl.

If You're Going to Represent Yourself, You Might as Well Do It With a Little Style

2006-12-19T00:19:00.000-05:00

Shamelessly lifted from Abovethelaw.com:

Engaging the Napoleon Complex

2006-12-18T23:59:00.000-05:00

I am taller than all of these people.

And yes, it does give me a false sense of superiority to know that I am a full inch taller than the Rain Man.

Joseph Stalin was important. I am taller than Joseph Stalin. Ergo, I am more important than Joseph Stalin.

Sell Your Soul, Go Directly to WalmartDo not pass GO, Do not collect $200

2006-12-01T11:08:00.000-05:00

One year ago today, you were the leader of an indie rock band. Now, you're being advertised on Walmart.com. Congrats, Chris Daughtry, lead singer of the band DAUGHTRY (doesn't quite roll off the tongue like Bon Jovi or Van Halen, does it?). Your soul will be returned to you at the conclusion of your record deal.

March Madness: Sweet Sixteen Edition

2006-03-24T02:24:00.000-05:00

Were you one of those people who went to bed assuming that Gonzaga had coasted to victory? Thank god, UCLA saved my bracket from being a complete disaster (at least for one more round).

Besides the fact that they choked away a big lead in the last few minutes, I was really disappointed by Gonzaga. They gave up with 3 seconds left on the clock. Adam Morrison was crying like the game was over even though they only trailed by 1 and UCLA was going to the free throw line with time still on the clock. And Gonzaga's coach, Mark Few, really dropped the ball at the end there. There's 1.5 seconds left, Gonzaga has the ball on the opposite baseline, and Morrison is in the backcourt flashing TOWARD the ball? How do you not have the NCAA's leading scorer in the position to catch and shoot on the other end of the court? Isn't hitting a tough shot in traffic supposed to be Morrison's forte? I just don't understand that.

Oh well. What a great night of college basketball. A buzzer-beater by Texas, a huge come-back by UCLA, and LSU knocking off the top overall seed (finally, a prediction I actually got right). It was almost good enough to make up for the fact that Winthrop dropped that heartbreaker to Tennessee. Seriously, I was more distraught over that game than any other game so far.

One more very belated note...

2006-02-24T12:54:00.000-05:00

The Sox got Josh Beckett. This is a dream come true. This guy is going to do some amazing things during his career in Boston, just watch.

Beckett is carried off the field at Yankee Stadium
after beating New York 2-0 to win the 2003 World Series.

You're probably wondering...

2006-02-24T12:42:00.000-05:00

...why this blog hasn't been updated in almost two months. Well, first of all I got lazy over break and didn't make any posts. That much is clear. When I got back to campus, I was so overwhelmed by my new responsibilities at the legal aid office that I didn't have time to post then, either.

Then my appendix tried to kill me. Fortunately, after a week in the hospital and another three weeks of recovery, I'm almost back to normal. I can't even express how great everyone has been as I've gone through this. So many people called and visited, I was really overwhelmed by the support I got. I never realized I had so many friends here. It's a wonderful feeling to know you don't have to go through something like that alone.

Anyways, because of my illness (compounded by my normal base level of procrastination), I'm buried in reading I have to catch up on.

I'll try not to let another two months pass before the next post.

'Nuff Said

2005-12-29T22:06:00.000-05:00

Just how gullible are people?

2005-11-12T15:02:00.000-05:00

This gullible.

The Best Hand I've Ever Played

2005-10-19T17:57:00.000-04:00

For those of you haven't met me, I have recently fallen in love with the game of Texas Hold 'Em. I play a weekly no-limit $10 cash game (not tournament-style, like you've probably seen on TV) with a bunch of friends in Brookline.

Last night, I had what I think was the best hand I've ever played. It wasn't the hand that won the most money, but simply the one that I think I executed the best. (Everything after this sentence is going to be in severe pokerese. If you don't understand any of the terminology, and yet somehow still have a desire to read past this point, I suggest the PokerTips.org Poker Glossary.)

In this particular hand, I was the dealer and therefore was on the button. There may have been one call leading into me pre-flop, and I looked down and saw J-10 offsuit, so I decided to call the 10-cent blind (big stakes, I know). The small and big blinds to my left limped in and we saw a flop: K-10-9 rainbow.

The two blinds and one caller all checked to me, so I made a 50-cent bet into the pot that looked like -- and sort of was -- a position bet. But it was also more than that. If either of the other players in the pot had caught a straight they surely would raise me. So, in essence, it was not only a position bet but also a feeler bet. The small blind folded quickly but the big blind, Barr, thought about it for half a second and then just called (the other preflop caller folded as well).

At this point, my thinking was this. Knowing the moderately aggressive kind of player Barr is, I reasoned that if he flopped a straight, he surely would have raised my obvious position bet on the flop, in order to scare away anyone who might have a draw at a better straight (namely, ace-queen or ace-jack). Furthermore, if he had flopped top pair, he surely would have bet it initially; he is not one to slow-play top pair or two-pair, I thought to myself -- not with a straight draw on the board. The same logic applies to if he had pocket nines or pocket tens: there's no way he'd slow-play trips on the flop against a straight draw.

So at the very worst, I reasoned, he has a pair of tens as well, perhaps with a better kicker (and, if you follow my reasoning above, the only hand he could possibly have that beat my jack-ten at that point would be ace-jack, which, knowing Barr, I'm thinking he would have raised with pre-flop; instead, he just checked the big blind). At best, he has a straight draw with a Jack or a Queen and a rag, or perhaps a pair of nines.

That brought us to the turn: K. Barr checked to me, and I bet $1. It looked and felt like a position bet, but I knew that my tens with a straight draw was the best hand. Barr then did exactly what I expected him to do, as an aggressive player who recognizes a position bet: he check-raised, calling my dollar and raising $2. But, as I've described above, I knew in my gut he didn't have that king (nor did he have trips off the flop), so there's no way in the world the second king could have helped him.

So I re-raised him four more dollars. I was confident in making that semi-bluff because, even if he had me out-kicked with A-10 (the worst-case-scenario hand described above), I could still catch a queen to beat him on a straight draw, or a 10 to split the pot. He thought about it for about 45 seconds (he really was agonizing over it) and he folded.

I used a late bet to feel how strong his cards were, put him on a particular hand, raised him off his bluff, and won the pot.

And that was the best hand of poker I've ever played.

Excerpt from Crim Law

2005-10-17T12:32:00.000-04:00

Professor: Why might the legislature want to create a harsher penalty for people who commit rapes in the course of other felonies?
Me: Well, it provides a disincentive for people to rape when they know they're already likely to go to prison, whereas without such a disincentive they might be inclined to "go out with a bang."

The worst part is, I didn't even intend what would at first seem to be a very typical pun for me to make. Hopefully the court will disallow propensity evidence.

I'm going to hell.

Don't Worry, Yankee Fans...

2005-10-10T23:57:00.000-04:00

...there's always next year!

The view from Section 42, Row 11, Seat 13...

2005-10-07T21:37:00.000-04:00

Manny and Papi just couldn't carry them. You're not going to win a World Series when you can't score with the bases loaded and nobody out.

It's funny. In years past, I would be devastated. The philosophy in Boston for so many years was "win now"; it felt like the window was always closing, largely because the team was so desparate to win that one championship that they traded away their future in largely unsuccessful bids to get the team over the top.

The future for this team, though, is bright. Anyone who saw rookie Jonathan Papelbon pitch in the Chicago series would agree with that (4.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 2 K). Plus, we have fireballer RHP Manny Delcarmen, sparkplug 2B Dustin Pedroia, top prospect SS Hanley Ramirez, and the 2005 Eastern League (AA) Pitcher of the Year, LHP Jon Lester.

It used to be that "there's always next year" was a resignation. It was accepting yet another failure. But now, there's actual excitement about next year. So... there's always next year.

p.s. - as much as i hate to admit this, now that the series is over, i kind of hope the white sox take it all. now THAT'S something you wouldn't have heard me say two years ago about a team that just swept the red sox.

My Case for why David Ortiz should Win the American League MVP Award

2005-10-02T21:35:00.000-04:00

Alex Rodriguez is neither the most valuable player on own his team (Mariano Rivera) nor is he the team's most-feared hitter (Gary Sheffield). Would you walk Alex Rodriguez to get to Gary Sheffield? Hell no.

But the Yankees walked David Ortiz to get to Manny Ramirez (third in the majors in RBI at season's end) not once but twice this past weekend. Which makes sense, since 20 of Ortiz's 47 home runs on the season have either tied the game or put the Red Sox ahead. In fact, pitchers have a good reason to fear Ortiz more in pressure situations than they would fear Rodriguez, as illustrated by these splits:

David Ortiz
Overall: .300 avg., 1.001 OPS
Runners in Scoring Position w/ 2 outs: .357 avg., 1.214 OPS
Close and late: .346 avg., 1.293 OPS

Alex Rodriguez
Overall: .321 avg., 1.031 OPS
Runners in Scoring Position w/ 2 outs: .302 avg., .941 OPS
Close and late: .293 avg., .938 OPS

What do these numbers all mean?

They mean this: When the pressure is on, and his team needs him the most, David Ortiz gets better. And in those same situations, Alex Rodriguez gets worse.

That's not to say that a Rodriguez's .293 avg. and .938 OPS are bad. Quite the contrary, most All-Stars don't hit at that kind of a level in any situation. But the plain fact can't be denied that Ortiz's OPS rises almost 300 points when the pressure is on, while Rodriguez's OPS falls almost 100 points in the same situations.

Now, who do you think is more valuable?

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the stats used above, a summary:
Batting Average (avg.) - hits divided by total at-bats (if you walk or are hit by a pitch, a.k.a. HBP, it does not count as an "official" at-bat for the purposes of computing average, nor does it count as a hit)
On-base percentage (OBP) - similar to batting average except that it factors in walks and HBP's. It's computed as (hits + walks + HBP's) divided by total at-bats.
Total bases - Easier to give examples than to define. A single is one total base. A double is two total bases. A triple is three total bases. A home-run is four total bases. So if you hit two singles and a home run in a game, you will have amassed six total bases.
Slugging percentage (SLG) - Total bases divided by at-bats. It's sort of like batting average, but takes into account how hard you hit the ball when you do hit it. So if you hit a home run in every single at-bat, you would have a slugging percentage of 4.000. If you hit a home run every four at-bats, and grounded out the other three, you'd have a slugging percentage of 1.000. If you hit a single in every single at-bat, you would also have a slugging percentage of 1.000. Got it?
On-base Plus Slugging (OPS) - It is what it says. On-base percentage plus slugging percentage. Basically, OPS is a good measure of how well a hitter performs overall.
Runners in Scoring Position (RISP) - Runners on second and/or third base. Called "scoring position" because an average runner is likely able to score from second or third on a hit.
"Close and late" - In the 7th inning or later, with the batting team either ahead by one run, tied, or with the potential tying run at least on deck.

Dear Legal Recruiting Manager of Large Out-of-Town Lawfirm:

2005-10-01T17:54:00.000-04:00

Thank you for taking the time to meet with me yesterday, and allowing me the opportunity to speak with some of the great people at your firm. I came in with the highest of expectations.

My experiences at the firm reaffirmed to me that it is exactly the type of place at which I would love to begin my legal career. I was encouraged by the trivial nature of each of my interviews. Don't worry, I love talking about baseball; it's not like I'm trying to get a job or anything. Furthermore, I was especially encouraged by the dungeon-like atmosphere in which even your 5th-year associates worked. With a few years of hard work, they may someday earn a window; such goals are important, I'm sure, for one's professional development.

In conclusion, I believe I could be a successful and valuable part of your team. That's "could," in the subjunctive sense; I doubt very strongly that I will end up there. However, I must thank you for the two nights at a nice hotel downtown. The sirloin was excellent.

Sincerely,
Mike

Big Firm Bonanza

2005-08-31T13:14:00.000-04:00

As I sit here at Law Carrel #3-143, I can't help but notice that there are 600 people in this library and they're all reading The Buffalo Creek Disaster. Was it really like this last year? Maybe when you're part of the herd you don't realize you're doing herd-like things.

Today is Day Two of the month-long recruiting bonanza, and I've already learned a lot about myself. I don't respond well to arrogance (although I can usually keep a straight face as long as needed, it takes about 24 hours of being pissed off to feel normal again). So clearly I'm doing the right thing here by interviewing at large law firms. I know everything will work out in the end, so I'm not terribly worried.

So much has happened in the 24 days since my last entry, but much of it would bore you to tears. One quick story before I go, though:

I was in class yesterday with an unnamed professor on the fourth floor of Stuart Hall. For those of you not familiar with BC Law, Stuart is the oldest building in the complex, and lacks many of the amenities that the newer East Wing building provides, such as wireless internet access and climate control. Yesterday, of course, was ridiculously muggy (not exactly the best conditions to be wearing a suit and tie all day). Well, anyways, without central air, the classroom in question was cooled by a window AC unit in the back of the room.

The professor was lecturing away and decided that the fan on the unit was much too loud; as he spoke, he walked to the back of the class and turned it off. With the air conditioner off, however, the other background noises were no longer covered, and the voices of people in the hallway become audible. Thus, again while still lecturing, he ambles over to the classroom door and closes it. Just to summarize, he has turned off the air conditioning, and with the door closed the air in the room could no longer circulate.

Not five minutes later -- in mid-sentence, mind you -- he interrupted himself to note, completely seriously, "Boy, it is hot in here!"

You think?

Get out of my head, OK Cupid Quiz!!!!

2005-08-07T11:59:00.000-04:00

the Wit
(65% dark, 26% spontaneous, 16% vulgar)
your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK
You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.

I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer.

Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion.

You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

After a long break, another brief political rant

2005-08-01T11:40:00.000-04:00

Dear President Bush,

More than half of the country disapproves of your administration. Your people are very good at winning elections, but you are in the minority when it comes to your politics. Enough with this popular mandate crap. Yes, you have the right to make a recess appointment, against the better judgment of the Senate. Fine. But don't dress it up like the Senate was being obstructionist. It was doing its job.

And get off your high horse about stem cell research. Nothing makes me angrier than a jackass who uses religion to destroy the quality of life of others. You worship Reagan, you'd think the fact that he had Alzheimer's would be enough for you to support finding a cure. But hey, Jesus told you gay people would destroy the institution of marriage and that won you an election, so why stop now?

Sincerely,
Mike

Silly Brits

2005-07-09T18:55:00.000-04:00

From CNN.com

Blair: Address terrorism causes
LONDON, England (AP) -- British Prime Minister Tony Blair said it is crucial to address terrorism's underlying causes, which he identified as deprivation, lack of democracy and ongoing conflict in the Middle East. Thursday's bomb attacks on London demonstrate the pressing need for world leaders to tackle problems like poverty, he told BBC radio.

No, no, no.
The way to defeat terrorists is to smoke them out of their holes.

London Attacked

2005-07-07T15:02:00.000-04:00

But don't worry, Americans. President Bush promises that we'll stop the terrorists:

"[W]e will spread an ideology of hope and compassion that will overwhelm their ideology of hate."

Kind of like the Care Bears. Only, with bombs.

The Wedding Season

2005-07-06T13:47:00.000-04:00

Although I was not fortunate enough to attend, it sounds like Mr. and Mrs. Josh Rubenstein had a wonderful wedding this past weekend. The pictures (available care of Emily Jennings via Ms. J.C.) are incredible.

It seems like the wedding/engagement season is in full thrust. My next-door neighbors Alicia and Paul Moylan just got back from their honeymoon. My good friends Jess Stover and Dan Lapping are tying the knot later this summer, as are my friends and ex-co-workers Kerry and Brian. And on top of all of that, two of my close friends just got engaged: Josh Bauml and Liz Scheinfeldt. Not to each other, of course. My most sincere congratulations to all!

Meanwhile, my girlfriend has panic attacks at the mention of the word. We're so perfect for each other: we even share the same fear of commitment!

23 Years Ago Today...

2005-07-04T22:00:00.000-04:00

"Twenty-three years ago today, we watched your first Red Sox game together," my father said as he placed a hand on my shoulder. For no real reason, I looked up the box score from the game. It was the nightcap of a double-header with Milwaukee on July 5, 1982, which the Sox lost 4-3. I was just over a day old. But just like my father has always said, I saw all-time great Carl Yazstremski hit a home run that night. And, as Dad pointed out, although I was too young to remember it, that game is something he and I will always share.

For those who might be interested, it was a nice relaxing birthday weekend on Lake Penneseewassee: a little swimming, a little cake, and a lot of QT with my family. And in typical fashion, I scraped my ankle on an underwater rock while swimming in the middle of the lake.

Something about that place is very calming; I don't think I've ever slept better than I slept on the top of that bunk bed. Plus, every time I go back to spend time with my family, I really do feel older and more mature. I've been floating a bit for the past month: staying up too late for no real reason, feeling listless, letting my responsibilities slip. But when I came back from this weekend, I felt grounded again. I can only hope that feeling will continue.

I hope the holiday treated all of you well.

CBS's Definition of "Rock" is Vastly Different from Mine

2005-06-21T20:24:00.000-04:00

When an ad for CBS's new reality contest "Rock Star: INXS" says, "This isn't some bubblegum pop show. These contestants really have to rock," do you think they mean actually rock? Or just play like INXS?

Yes, I Am Still Alive. And I Still Hate the Media.

2005-06-15T18:22:00.000-04:00

Greetings, loyal and disloyal readers. It appears that I am, in fact, still alive. Although I do not have time for a full post, some quick thoughts on the big four media stories of the past few months:

Terri Schiavo
- Turns out Terri Schiavo was in an irreversible, permanent vegatative state before she died. Furthermore, her body would have been unable to process that bread and water those vigilante protesters were so desparate to give her. Oh, it also turns out that Terri was totally blind because her visual cortex had been completely destroyed. What does this all mean? Maybe it means that doctors are better able to accurately diagnose patients than conservative politicians are. Go figure.
- The Bush administration and other right wing nuts still think they're right -- even in the face of conclusive scientific evidence to the contrary. Hmm... where have we seen this one before?

The "Runaway Bride"
- Guess what? People get cold feet all the time. So she faked an abduction. If it's illegal, arrest her. If it's not, leave her alone. But just shut up about it. It is possibly the least-important story to ever grab national attention.

Natalee Halloway
- It's absolutely terrible about what may have happened to that pretty white girl in Aruba. But (again) guess what? People disappear every day. Just because this is a pretty white girl in a tropical paradise doesn't make it more important. In fact, it's an insult to every family who has ever lost a family member under tragic circumstances. Where is Jesse Anderson's national media coverage?

And, finally, from a t-shirt I found for sale on the internet:
"MICHAEL JACKSON DID NOT MOLEST THOSE CHILDREN -- HE MADE LOVE TO THEM."

It Makes a Lot More Sense in Context...

2005-05-15T15:51:00.000-04:00

"To stay experimentation in things social and economic is a grave responsibility. Denial of the right to experiment may be fraught with serious consequences to the Nation. It is one of the happy incidents of the federal system that a single courageous State may, if its citizens choose, serve as a laboratory; and try novel social and economic experiments without risk to the rest of the country.

"This Court has the power to prevent an experiment. We may strike down the statute which embodies it on the ground that, in our opinion, the measure is arbitrary, capricious or unreasonable. We have power to do this, because the due process clause has been held by the Court applicable to matters of substantive law as well as to matters of procedure.

"But in the exercise of this high power, we must be ever on our guard, lest we erect our prejudices into legal principles. If we would guide by the light of reason, we must let our minds be bold."

- Justice Louis Brandeis, New State Ice Co. v. Liebmann, 285 U.S. 262 (1932) (dissenting opinion).

Greatest Haiku Ever

2005-05-07T22:44:00.000-04:00

In honor of Haiku Day (05-07-05... get it?), I present to you the best haiku ever, culled from the depths of the internets:

Drinking gin and juice
With my mind on my money
And conversely so.

President J-Lo

2005-05-03T11:26:00.000-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Jennifer Lopez:

"I'm a total powerhouse. If you ask me, I'd like to become the first female president -- that would be really cool," J.Lo told German celebrity glossy Bravo in an issue to be published Wednesday. "The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House -- it doesn't look very cozy."

That sound you hear is the Women's Lib movement pulling its collective hair out. It's kind of hard to break a stereotype when one of the most famous women in the world is perpetuating it. Good thing the article doesn't perpetuate any other stereotypes.

"La Lopez", 35, said the best break from her growing entertainment empire is housekeeping. "Believe it or not -- I clean my house! All the stress disappears when I'm straightening up," she said.

You've gotta be kidding me. So we have "women as superficial" and "latinas as housekeepers" covered in the same article. At least there isn't any mention of Ben Affleck.

Lopez said she was sure after two divorces and her "Bennifer" engagement debacle with actor Ben Affleck that her marriage with singer Marc Anthony would last.

Ack! Jesus God! You wonder why I hate pop culture publications.

Oh, and if one more person refers to Affleck as a Boston's official "superfan" I'm going to kill someone. Ben Affleck sucks. Nobody made him our spokesperson. Actually, I was at that meeting and we distinctly elected Bill Simmons. I demand a recount!

Oh, by the way

2005-05-01T11:40:00.000-04:00

For those of you who didn't get the joke, Darryl Kile died on June 22, 2002 of heart failure at the age of 33, while in Chicago for a weekend series against the Cubs.

Someone really should tell ESPN, because according to them he turned 36 back in November.

Hence the post.

ESPN: Happy B-Day, Darryl!

2005-04-25T11:39:00.000-04:00

BRISTOL, CT (AP) -- The ESPN.com website wishes a belated happy birthday to Cardinals pitcher Darryl Kile. According to its player profile webpage, the lanky righthander turned 36 on December 2, 2004.

When reached for comment, ESPN President George Bodenheimer said, "We here at ESPN congratulate Darryl on reaching his 15th year in the Major Leagues, and hope that his 37th year on this great Earth is his best yet!"

Mr. Kile has a career record of 133-119 and a 4.12 ERA with the Astors, Rockies, and Cardinals. Known for his "12-6 curveball," he pitched a no-hitter for Houston on September 8, 1993.

Curiously, Mr. Kile was the subject of a brief Hall of Fame campaign in the summer and fall of 2002. "Sure, we heard the buzz, but it baffled us," notes ESPN's Harold Reynolds. "Typically a guy will only be inducted into the Hall if he has been retired for a period of years, or if he died prematurely under some sort of tragic circumstances. But -- as our website clearly shows -- Mr. Kile is still a very alive and very active member of the St. Louis Cardinals roster."

Dear Benedict XVI,

2005-04-19T21:08:00.000-04:00

First of all, Your Holiness, congratulations on your historic day. We're all really happy for you and for the future of the Church. There's just this one little thing we want to talk to you about briefly, before you continue to do your good work.

Okay, so first of all we're totally all about procreation. It's a great thing. But the problem is we have this kind of epidemic over here. An AIDS epidemic, actally. Maybe you've heard of it? Okay, well it's this disease that affects the immune system-- actually, Your Holiness, heterosexuals can get it, too. So anyways, the thing is that this whole epidemic can be stemmed if people use prophylactic contraception. And the best part is that people will still actually be able to procreate, but as a conscious choice.

So we just thought you might be interested to-- no? What's that about absolutism, Your Holiness? Aah, we understand. Sorry to have bothered you.

Love,
The Third World

This Just In...

2005-04-17T22:00:00.000-04:00

"Enough is enough. I am bitterly disappointed, as I'm sure all Yankee fans are, by the lack of performance by our team," Steinbrenner said in a statement issued immediately after the game. "It is unbelievable to me that the highest-paid team in baseball would start the season in such a deep funk. They are not playing like true Yankees. They have the talent to win and they are not winning. I expect Joe Torre, his complete coaching staff and the team to turn this around."

That sound you hear is the world's smallest violin.

Getting Political Again

2005-04-15T18:02:00.000-04:00

Although I'm tempted to write a lengthy manifesto about the notion of "judicial tyranny" that seems so popular these days, I will limit myself to a few short statements. [Ed. Note - This now appears to be the very same lengthy manifesto I had tried to avoid. Nevertheless, I've worked damn hard in the past to make you all laugh when reading this blog, so I hope that you return the favor by hearing me out on these important issues.]

Our constitutionally established system of checks and balances mandates that each of the three branches of government act within their sphere as a check against the others. While it is the executive's job to execute the laws written by the legislature, and the legislature's job to create those laws, it is emphatically the province and duty of the judicial department to say what the law is. (Greenfield: "Do you have a cite for that?" Ahh, Con Law jokes...)

To argue that a member of the judiciary is overstepping its bounds by acting to interpret the law is utterly baseless and ludicrous. I offer you Exhibit A, a bill propsed in the Senate by Senators Shelby, Brownback, and Burr called the "Constitution Restoration Act of 2005." (Text of the bill here.) The bill allows for, among other things, the impeachment of any justice or judge who interprets the Constitution of the United States "by rely[ing] upon any constitution, law, administrative rule, Executive order, directive, policy, judicial decision, or any other action of any foreign state or international organization or agency, other than English constitutional and common law up to the time of the adoption of the Constitution of the United States."

Let's hear that one again. It would be an impeachable offense to interpret the Constitution by relying upon precedent Supreme Court cases. Let there be no mistake about it, this is not an attempt to restore constitional order. This is an attempt to completely disable the judicial branch of the United States.

There are additional bills and constitutional amendments proposed that are designed to "protect the sanctity of marriage" (read: protect us from having to acknowledge the homos), and to "restore the Senate's ability to confirm federal judges without being hamstrung by radicals" (read: eliminate the Senate filibuster rule, which has served for centuries as a means for a minority to protect its interests in the face of a slight majority; in this case, 55-45).

This last one deserves more than passing mention. Quickly, some background. Unlike in the House of Representatives where members are limited by the Speaker of the House in the amount of time they may speak, senators may "hold the floor" for as long as they wish, so long as they are physically present in the Senate chamber and are continuing to speak. What this has resulted in is a practice of senators in extreme situations of "filibustering," meaning that a senator or group of senators speaks uninterrupted for hours, sometimes days or weeks. Under current rules, which have been in place since the 1960s, a filibuster can only be stopped by the vote of a super-majority of senators (60 out of 100). This vote is called cloture.

The current system of filibuster and cloture is actually a great exercise in democracy. It essentially means that if a bill (or judicial nominee) is particularly controversial, there has to be a very large group of senators supporting it in order for it to pass.

What this means in a more practical sense is that the bills (or judicial nominees) that are proposed and passed are most often politically moderate, for the majority must allay the concerns of the minority in order to surpass the threat of a filibuster. Without the filibuster, however, there would be no incentive for the majority (currently Republicans) to compromise with either the moderates or the minority. This would allow any majority of Senators (even a 51-49 majority) to act without any check or restraint on their own power.

There has been a strong movement in the Senate to eliminate the filibuster with respect to judicial nominees. Not surprisingly, this is supported by a number of radical conservatives and religious fundamentalists who feel that the 200-year-old tradition is getting in the way of their forcing ultra-conservative judges into the federal judiciary. Keep in mind that more than 95 percent of President Bush's judicial nominees have been approved by the Senate, and the Senate Democrats have blocked only 10 of Bush's 52 appeals court nominees. And yet, sensing the opportunity to further entrench themselves in our government, the conservatives are pushing further still.

So here's the point. There is a list of seven so-called "swing senators," Republicans that are most likely to be cool-headed about this destruction of democracy. It is essential that these senators understand the danger behind the destruction of the filibuster. If you are a constituent of one of these senators, and you understand and agree with what I've just discussed, I urge -- no, BEG -- you to please call their offices and share with them your fear of the slow destruction of American democracy. They are (including contact information):

Indiana
Sen. Dick Lugar
Website
(202) 224-4814 - Washington, DC Office
(317) 226-5555 - Indianapolis, IN Office

Maine
Sen. Susan Collins
Website
(202) 224-2523 - Washington, DC Office
(207) 780-3575 - Portland, ME Office

Sen. Olympia Snowe
Website
(202) 224-5344 - Washington, DC Office
(207) 874-0883 - Portland, ME Office

New Hampshire
Sen. John Sununu
Website
(202) 224-2841 - Washington, DC Office
(603) 430-9560 - Portsmouth, NH Office

Sen. Judd Gregg
Website
(202) 224-3324 - Washington, DC Office
(603) 225-7115 - Concord, NH Office

Nebraska
Sen. Chuck Hagel
Website
(202) 224-4224 - Washington, DC Office
(402) 476-1400 - Lincoln, NE Office

Virginia
Sen. John Warner
Website
(202) 224-2023 - Washington, DC Office
(540) 857-2676 - Roanoke, VA Office

For more information on this issue, I urge you to check out SaveTheFilibuster.com. I sincerely hope that this didn't come off as a boring political science lecture so much as a presentation of my personal fears about the direction in which the ultra-conservatives in Congress are trying to move our government.

I don't think I need to mention that the first two steps in the Nazi's rise to power were to undercut the ability of the other parties to oppose them within the rules of government, and then to destroy Germany's separation of powers.
I present to you two final links for your information:
- Germany's Enabling Act of 1933
- "Commander-in-Thief" by Sheila Samples

Ok, I'm done. Watch Arrested Development, Go Sox!

Now Serving... #260

2005-04-13T21:41:00.000-04:00

So for the last few days I've put off thinking about registration for fall classes but tonight I'm stuck working at the library until Midnight and I figured I'd try to plan out my course load for the next semester. Following the instructions in my handy Course Selection Handbook (courtesy of Academic Services), I log into the Agora website to find my registration time. Apparently class registration for 2Ls begins at 8:00am on Thursday the 28th, and runs until 4:45pm that day. I present to you my inner monologue:

Doo de doo, simply type in my username... password... ok, click UView... Academic Advisor. Scroll down and see wh--FUCK! 4:45?? FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
[Ed. Note - At least one cuss word was uttered aloud, breaking the fourth wall of the inner monologue.]

Yes, indeed. Your humble narrator will be the last member of the Boston College Law School student body to register for classes. Considering that I don't know what I want to do with my life, I guess maybe that makes it easier.

Arrested Development!

2005-04-06T00:16:00.000-04:00

Arrested Development Season Finale: Sunday at 8:30pm!
Visit GetArrested.com for more info!
Seriously, you will love this show; I promise you, the more you watch it the better it gets.

Pope John Paul II

2005-04-02T16:56:00.000-05:00

Karol Jozef Wojtyla
1920-2005
He'll be watching you from Heaven...
Sort of like Santa Claus, but riding a bullet-proof golf cart instead of a sleigh.

Terri Speaks!

2005-03-25T21:46:00.000-05:00

From the CNN.com article:

A Florida state judge is expected to rule by noon Saturday on an emergency motion filed by Schiavo's parents, who contend that their brain-damaged daughter has expressed the wish to live.

"She managed to articulate the first two vowel sounds, first articulating AHHHHHHH and then virtually screaming WAAAAAAAA," the motion said.

Clearly, Terri wants to live.
Or die, or whatever.

Just because I love this photo

2005-03-15T13:41:00.000-05:00

Courtesy of Fark.com

If It's on the Internet, It Must Be True

2005-03-13T11:19:00.000-05:00

From the people who brought you human autotrophs - Man lives without a functioning heart:
"Blood vessels of the human heart are elastic and strong enough to pump blood. That is why Nikolai is still living, breathing and moving. His heart is alive; one may say that it is sleeping. Such a unique incident occurred as a result of his stress. A strong emotional experience results in a powerful hormone action, which affects the heart and vessels first and foremost."

Sure, sure.

Not sure what to say about this...

2005-03-10T22:17:00.000-05:00

Click the pic for the related ESPN.com story.
Courtesy of Ms. Jillian Grob

Also, for good measure:

Golf's a wonderful game.

A Modest Diversity Proposal

2005-03-09T15:51:00.000-05:00

From: [beleted to protect the innocent]
Subject: Diversity Month Presents "Jay Walking"
Date: Wed, 09 Mar 2005 15:36:43 -0500
To: BC Law Students

Asked, "What do you think about diversity?," some BC Law School Students responded:
The responses....

"Diversity scares me!"
"I think the way diversity programs are implemented is unfair- inequality does not breed equality."
[Why talk about diversity] "given the limited diversity here?"

The above comments were in fact made by BC Law School Students...if you disagree with these viewpoints, please join us TOMORROW for:

All School Town Hall Meeting: "How can we make BCLS a more diverse community?"
When: Thursday, March 10th at 3:30 p.m.
Where: EW 115A
What: Please attend this important event and voice your opinions on how you define diversity and how we can make BCLS a more diverse community. Featured panelists include Dean Garvey, Dean Wylie, Professor Papandrea, and, schedules permitting, Professor Garcia, Professor Farley, and Professor Howe. Moderated by Vanessa Olivier, Vice-President of BLSA. Refreshments will be served.

Sponsored by: Diversity Committee of LSA, APALSA, BLSA, LALSA, Lambda, and SALSA

I'm so proud of this. If you know me well, you probably know why.

Our Gov't Doesn't Think The 1st Amendment Should Protect Potty Mouths

2005-02-28T17:11:00.000-05:00

If the bill passes the Senate, Bono saying "fucking brilliant" on the air would carry the exact same penalty as illegally testing pesticides on human subjects. And for the price of Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" during the Super Bowl, you could cause the wrongful death of an elderly patient in a nursing home and still have enough money left to create dangerous mishaps at two nuclear reactors. (Actually, you might be able to afford four "nuke malfunctions": The biggest fine levied by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission last year was only $60,000.)
- From RollingStone.com

A glimpse into my psyche

2005-02-24T12:11:00.000-05:00

As if we needed any further confirmation that I've completely lost it:
Last night I had a dream that involved a fun house, airplanes, my estranged mother, halloween costumes, and Father Gregory Kalscheur performing a kick-ass drum solo at a rave, complete with strobe and black lights. I think he was wearing a headband too. Or maybe it was a bandana.

God Bless You, #54

2005-02-21T00:43:00.000-05:00

As many of you probably know (if only from reading this blog), I am obsessed with professional sports. As many of you also probably know, Patriots LB Tedy Bruschi was taken to Mass General earlier this week with a mild stroke. It doesn't look like he's likely to play again, which is just devastating considering that two weeks ago today, he was jumping routes and plugging holes in the Super Bowl like there was no tomorrow. Still, one's health is far more important than their occupation, and I hope that whatever decision he makes about his future, he makes wisely. Still, it doesn't mean I'm not going to miss seeing #54 suit up every week. You have to love a guy who plays like his hair is on fire, who always makes the right play at that key moment. There won't ever be another Tedy Bruschi. Let's all just hope for a full recovery, both mentally and physically.

Things Liz and I Talked About While Studying Torts Today

2005-02-08T14:18:00.000-05:00

Liz's example of a Defective Product with little utility:
"Tutus for monkeys that are flammable." The question remains: is it the tutu that's flammable? Or the monkey?

Examples of Assumption of Risk:
- The warning says "Do not submerge toaster in water" so the plaintiff says, "I wonder will happen" and ZAP!
- Plaintiff, running toward an electric fence, shouts, "I'm going to sue you!" and throws himself onto the fence. This of course led to a discussion of the safest thing to wear when throwing oneself onto an electric fence: sports bra and sweatpants. I think that was meant for Liz.

This led to lots of discussion about electric fences. Liz was apparently unaware of the true danger of relieving oneself on such a fence...
Mike: Think about it. It's a stream of water, through which electricity can travel, flowing from point A to point B; point B being an electric fence and point B being--
Liz: [cringing] Oh, is that what...? OW!!! I thought it just made sparks!

ongoing...

McNabbed!

2005-02-07T23:07:00.000-05:00

Oh come on, I can have fun with the title, can't I?

Super Bowl XXXIX
New England 24
Philadelphia 21
Bruschi to Dallas: "I'll see your three rings in four years..."

A few quick notes here:
- Terrell Owens gets a clean slate in my book. Hell of a performance. And did you see that spinning left cut he made on his good ankle? Amazing example of someone using every last ounce of energy and ability to overcome a huge physical disadvantage. Not quite Schillingesque (I'm not the first to turn it into an adjective, and I won't be the last) but still amazing.
- I have no problem with the wing-flapping celebration. Yes, it's a bit out of character for the Pats to be mocking an opponent. But I think another thing about T.O. is that he can take it as well as dish it (see: Lewis, Ray).
- Deion Branch's leaping fingertip grab over the head of whoever the Philly defensive back was in the fourth quarter. I was SURE it was intercepted. There was absolutely no way Branch could have caught that ball. The guy is like 5'6. And yet, he hits the ground, gets up and starts running like he actually caught it. I didn't believe it until I saw the replay. Absolutely the best catch I've ever seen. Way to go, Mr. MVP.
- In case you didn't notice: Adam Vinatieri did, in fact, kick the game-winning field goal yet again. It just came with 9:21 left on the clock this time.
- Any stat-heads out there can correct me on this, but I believe that Mike Vrabel was the first man in Super Bowl history to record a sack and a touchdown catch in the same game. And he's done it in consecutive Super Bowls. The second time with 6'4" defensive end Javon Kearse wrestling him to the ground, no less.
- I guess Freddie Mitchell must have been referring to a congratulatory handshake.

Final thought:
McNabb and Reid basically choked this one. Go back and look at Super Bowl XXXVI against the Rams and Super Bowl XXXVIII against the Panthers and you'll notice a familiar pattern. Close game for a while, dominated by defenses. Patriots take a lead but the other team's QB (Warner/Delhomme) keeps clawing back. They tie the game with less than two minutes to go, setting the stage for a game-winning drive by Tom Brady.

Last night? The Eagles couldn't manage the clock to save their lives. They were put in the exact same spot (trailing mid-way through the fourth quarter) as the Rams and Panthers, and if they'd only been able to run a two-minute drill, we might have seen yet another heart-pounding ending. Instead, Philly ended up trying to start a game-tying drive with 46 seconds left while pinned at their own four-yard-line. Not enough time for a miracle, McNabb tries to do too much, and BAM there's Rodney Harrison, flying down the field with the final coffin nail firmly in his grasp.

Don't get me wrong. A 'W' is a 'W,' as the saying goes. But I think many football fans (from Philly, New England, and elsewhere) have to feel cheated by that collapse. What could have been an explosive and exciting finish just like the first two Patriot Super Bowls instead ended with an anti-climactic interception on a poorly-thrown down-field prayer.

All that being said, I'm proud of the way the Pats have played this season and can't wait until the fall.

Okay, so now that football is out of the way...

When do pitchers and catchers report?

Some Final Words of Wisdom from Prof. Sanford Katz:

2005-02-03T10:07:00.000-05:00

Calm down.

Don’t overdo it. Your head can just take so much. It’s like a massive highway. And if you overload the circuits, you’ll be in trouble. Try to set up a schedule for yourself. The night before the exam, go to a movie. Don’t see Million Dollar Baby, that will depress you. Go see something light and fluffy. If you rent one movie, I’ll tell you what to rent: Chariots of Fire. (laughter) You know the movie? Why I recommend it is that it’s inspirational. And, um, how many have seen it? If you haven’t seen it, you rent it. Go out and rent it for inspiration because it’ll inspire you. Inspire you. (Are we allowed to play the theme song on headphones during the exam?) No, that’ll distract you. (pause) But you can think about the theme song. I once wrote a whole final around that movie. (Can we bring anything?) No, my experience is you’ll write too much. Don’t overdo it.

Number two – do not leave your computers out of your sight. We’re a great, honest law school, a wonderful community, but sometimes around this time, people get a little crazy. Don’t leave it at all unguarded. As sure as I am standing here, someone in the first year (not in this section because you’re too bright) someone will have their notes taken. Someone’s notes, their whole life. It happens. And then after the exam, it’s found.

And years from now, when I'm in the nursing home, come see me.

And with that, he whisked out the door to a spontaneous round of applause, never to be seen again. No really. As of this moment, we are not allowed to talk to him. His own rule. Eh, not that it will matter. So long as late E. Allan Farnsworth is around, we'll be ok.

That Was Pretty Much the Worst Rendition of "Who's On First?" in the History of the World

2005-02-01T10:12:00.000-05:00

Katz: Who knows “Who’s on First?”
Marty: I do.
Katz: Do you know "Who’s on First?"
Marty: Okay, who’s on first?
Katz: No, no, no, no. "Who's on First?"
Marty: Who’s on first?
Katz: First. Who’s on first?
Marty: Second base.
Katz: Second. Who’s on first?
Marty: What?
Katz: First. You see, it’s the old Abbott and Costello routine. The joke is, their names are First, Second, and Third.

At which point, everybody laughs. He thinks we’re laughing with him.

For any of you who don't see the humor, here's the actual routine, courtesy of Baseball-Almanac.com.

God Bless the Man

2005-02-01T09:51:00.000-05:00

"It's incredible... What more can you ask for? Even being mentioned in the same sentence as Jesus or God... I mean, those guys are awesome. I'm just a knucklehead." - Johnny Damon

Dear Law Students,

2005-01-26T10:18:00.000-05:00

It recently came to our attention that many of you commute to campus. In light of the dangerous accumulation of snow in the roadways over the course of the day, the campus shuttle will not be running today. Because we care deeply about the safety of our students, we are therefore requiring you to provide rides so that our undergrad students can safely travel between Newton and Main Campus. Undergrads are valuable commodities, so we ask that you drive carefully. Also, the Law School dining halls will remain open so long as undergrads are hungry. Thanks for the $32,000.

Love,
Boston College

Dear Professor Yen,

2005-01-23T23:29:00.000-05:00

I'm writing to inform you that I will likely be unable to attend class tomorrow. After conducting a thorough analysis of the relative risks and benefits, I have determined that it would be negligent of me to drive to campus for only one class. As you're probably aware, the university has cancelled all morning classes, which means that for 75% of Section 1, Torts will be our only class. In addition, I have owned my rear wheel-drive 1991 Volvo 240 for approximately two weeks, after having totaled my old car in a snow-induced accident over winter break. There was also something about Gov. Romney telling all non-essential state employees in Suffolk County to stay off the roads that leads me to believe that driving to campus (over a series of snow-covered hills, no less) would be an unreasonably risky activity.

Please realize that I am not saying Torts class provides no benefit whatsoever. I have simply weighed the benefit of a single Torts class ($300 worth of knowledge minus approx. $100 paid per class) against the risk of an accident or other car trouble (est. 35%), multiplied by the potential costs of having to repair or replace another car ($3000... and that doesn't include the accompanying insurance rate increase), and have concluded that it makes more sense just to stay home. I hope that if you were in the same or similar circumstances, you would do the same.

Having said this, I realize that not all of my classmates may have been able to assess these risks as accurately as I have. Some of them may even be unreasonable on occasion. Because of this, in the interest of protecting the students for whom you seem to genuinely care, I respectfully ask that you cancel class for tomorrow.

Sincerely,
Mike Douglas

Yes, classmates. The email was actually sent at 11:30pm tonight, Sunday 1/23. Hopefully my argument for cancelling classes is more persuasive than my argument for why first cousins should satisfy a bystander's claim for negligent infliction of emotional distress. A little AMI humor, there.

The New Quote Book

2005-01-22T18:23:00.000-05:00

Frankly, I'm embarassed I didn't star this long ago. The list will grow, I promise.

"What color is your Siemens?" - AT&T operator, helping me determine which model of phone i own
"You can't pedal a tank." - Will Cosmas
"Esther is like a pearl." - Prof. Katz
"Wouldn't you all want to have a strand of Esther around your neck?" - Prof. Katz
"In my religion, Esther is a queen." - Prof. Katz
"I said a chip!" - Prof. Katz
"I can't hear you, William. Speak up!" - Prof. Katz

20-3

2005-01-16T19:42:00.000-05:00

'Nuff said

The Final Answer

2005-01-06T22:40:00.000-05:00

The original line-up of TGIF:
Perfect Strangers, Full House, Mr. Belvedere and Just the Ten of Us

Thanks, Maura, for finally settling the debate. :)

Obsessions and Fascinations

2004-12-21T01:11:00.000-05:00

In order to allow you a glimpse into my mind as I spend five or ten minutes contemplating my obsessions and fascinations, both past and present. Perhaps I will organize it into a semblance of a list, lists, or chronology. Perhaps it will be an amorphous blob (is there any other kind of blob?) of words.

arrested development, 24, red sox, nick drake, blue man group, wes anderson, mickey spillane, law & order, calvin and hobbs, reno 911!, american beauty, tool, aerosmith, christina ricci, old-school napster circa 2000, anything bill murray's made during his current indie flick phase, monty python, kids in the hall, will ferrell, acapella music, photography, basketball, fantasy sports, kaki king, steve martin SNL cameos, sandy the puppy, wesley willis, weightlifting (no really ask my parents, it happened), kings quest 1-6 (esp. 3 and 6, don't know why), infocom's "deadline" and "witness," sporks, did i mention will ferrell?, that Nextel commercial where the guys in the office are dancing to "Push It" by Salt n Pepa, "The Final Countdown" by Earth, "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats, purposefully ignoring rules of capitalization, the question "What is it?", chips and salsa, mountain dew, david ortiz (deserves his own mention), guitars, cold nights while covered with blankets, van halen's "balance" album, guster, rustic overtones, the fitty, stratton, ghetto 42, tilton, 20 foster, coors, PBR, heffenweizen, and allagash white ale (brewed and bottled in portland, maine).

all for now. hope you enjoyed your tour. please remain seated until the vehicle has come to a complete stop.

Jan Martinez

2004-12-17T20:18:00.000-05:00

Schilling, Schilling, Schilling!

(Boston Dirt Dogs Photo / Pete Berce)

Highly amusing.

Post-Midterm Celebrations!

2004-12-15T16:39:00.001-05:00

I'd like to say that I'm done with my first semester of law school, but at BC the first semester goes until February, except for one class that goes until December and then stops and then starts again in March. It's not as confusing as it sounds.
Wait, yes it is.

Also, while I'm at it... if you're a Sox fan, or even a baseball fan, you have to check this video out. Hilarious. (Dennis Leary: "Yeah, that does sound like me.")

All for now, more to come. Freedom has never tasted so sweet.

Back to Back!

2004-12-07T10:46:00.000-05:00

God, I love it when MLB screws up:

(click for larger, less heavily-distorted image)
(trust me, it's worth it)

be·noit, tr. v.

2004-12-01T21:36:00.000-05:00

Pronunciation: b-noit

To escape or avoid by cleverness or deceit: benoit the question.
1. To avoid fulfilling, answering, or performing: benoit responsibility. See Synonyms at escape.
2. To avoid giving a direct answer to.
3. To baffle or elude: The accident benoits explanation.

be·noit·ed, be·noit·ing, be·noits

Gender Equality At Lastor, the Wonders of Threading

2004-11-20T21:50:00.000-05:00

It began with this unsolicited announcement yesterday:

From: Starr G.
Subject: Brow Threading (Monday, 12-2pm)
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 2004 11:51:29 -0500
To: Section1@bc.edu

Hello Ladies,

There is now no excuse for bushy eyebrows. Reena Sign will be coming to BC's BLSA office on Monday, November 22. She will be in the BLSA office from 12-2pm to thread eyebrows. This technic for shaping brows is extremely effective and some say it's better than waxing. She only charges $5 and it only takes a few minutes. She also does facials and face waxing. We need to take a study break anyway so why not do something productive? All are welcome!

Best,
Starr

Never one to shy away from an obvious punchline, I included this subject line in an email I sent out earlier this evening:

From: Michael Douglas
Subject: Section 1 Men want their Brows Threaded, too (also, found textbooks)
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 20:56:32 -0500
To: Section.1@bc.edu

Hola, my bushy-eyebrowed section-mates... [and so forth]

Here comes the funny part. Not ten minutes later, I find this in my mailbox:

From: Starr G.
Subject: Re: Brow Threading (Monday, 12-2pm)
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 21:04:06 -0500
To: Section1@bc.edu

Brow threading is also open to any men who need or want it.

Best,
Starr

ChestRockwell45: I love how she took me seriously that the men might have wanted to partake in this eyebrow waxing seminar but had been disuaded by the initial email
Maura: first of all, i must stress that waxing and threading are, in fact, separate and distinct means of eyebrow maintenance
ChestRockwell45: well i would be unaware of that distinction as, prior to starr's emancipating email, i had been deprived of the opportunity to experience this particular technique
Maura: i've only heard rumors of the wonders of threading...

say what you want about my work habits, but at least i'm productive when i procrastinate

Happy Birthday, Ms. Query: A Tribute

2004-11-18T23:13:00.000-05:00

Twenty some-odd years ago, in a hospital (or perhaps a taxi cab), a little girl was born to two loving parents whose names I do not know. And on that fateful day of November 18, nineteen-eighty-something (or perhaps nineteen-seventy-something), the world changed forever. The young princess Jessica came home that night to her house or apartment, which may have been on Macaroni Street in a small coal mining town in Pennysylvania - a town so small that it had no name. Her favorite color was red, or perhaps purple or fushia, and she enjoyed either dancing or not dancing for hours on end. She was either a tomboy or not, may have tried out for sports -- perhaps even excelled -- and devoutly followed a particular Protestant sect, the name of which escapes me at the moment. She befriended several people with whom I am not familiar, and probably had a falling out with one of them, perhaps in high school. Upon graduating from high school, she met several people who became longer-term friends than those she knew in high school, and I can definitively say that it was at this point that she met one Michael Coughlin. She went on to attend and graduate from Saint Josesph College in Connecticut. Some more time passed, during which she did things that made her happy and probably some things that did not. She was then accepted at and chose to attend Boston College Law School, which was the greatest day of her life. Then she had some people over to play Trivial Pursuit and eat her bruscetta, which was amazing. Then her friends arranged for an elaborate scavenger hunt that ended in a surprise birthday party. Yep, that brings us right up to 11:30pm today, her birthday.

Jessica, congratulations on your twenty-something years. May your next twenty-something be pleasant, plentiful, and significantly less vague.

Ed. note - Getting to know people is a slow process. Next year the biography will be significantly more complete.

Question: What is it? (updated)

2004-11-17T11:33:00.000-05:00

Answer:
- A writing
- A document
- Nothing
- Something
- A house
- A comfortable house
- Acceptance
- Not a short story
- Notice
- An Offer
- A hand gesture
- A Contract
- Nothing
- Wrong
- Consideration
- Reliance
- A gift
- NO no no no
- A promise
- Mere puff and blow
- A red and green sign!
- A piece of paper
- Well, of course it is, but
- An agreement
- A formality
- It's in your notes!
- It's 12!
- Nothing
- A bargained-for exchange
- Motivation
- A counter-offer
- An announcement
- An invitation to deal
- A role-play
- Nominal consideration
- A moral obligation
- A ring
- A barren cow
- Well, technically, what?
- Enforceable
- Lapsed
- No no, don't use the word "void"
- A condition
- A psychic benefit
- Not enforceable
- Seriousness of purpose
- Some sort of weird freudian benefit
- STOP. Tell me about that.
- That's a conclusion
- Question mark
- It... is... nothing!

More to follow as the situation warrants...
Ed. note - New entries in bold, but the list will always end with the obvious.

Oh that's what it is...

2004-11-17T10:01:00.000-05:00

ChestRockwell45: she's so empathetic
query: it's her uterus
query: she can't help it

It's hard to concentrate on contributory negligence...

2004-11-15T13:19:00.000-05:00

...when you're living in Nazi Germany.

Infer what you want, but I present to you a brief timeline:

1933: Hitler appointed Chancellor of Germany.
2001: Bush appointed President of United States.

1933: Tragic destruction of the Reichstag building in Berlin. In order to protect Germany from the Communists, Hitler issues the Decree for the Protection of People and State, which granted Hitler's government sweeping powers, laying the foundation for a police state.
2001: Tragic destruction of World Trade Center towers in New York. In order to protect America from the Terrorists, Bush proposes the Patriot Act, which granted Bush's government sweeping powers, laying the foundation for a police state.

1934: Hitler orders a purge of the SA, terminating all who are disloyal to his philosophy.
2004: Bush orders a purge of the CIA, terminating all who are disloyal to his philosophy.

Am I arguing that Bush is a genocidal tyrant like Adolf Hitler? Of course not. But it's an interesting parallel. And something to think about instead of studying for 1L midterms.

Ed. update - Clearly I'm not the first person to notice this coincidence, nor am I the most eloquent. An example.

Uncle Walter

2004-11-11T21:51:00.000-05:00

Today is Veterans Day, where we honor our soldiers both past and present. It's a special day for many of us whose family and friends have served. Whenever this day comes around I think of my Great Uncle Walter (my grandmother's brother, hence my great-uncle).

Uncle Walter served as a Colonel in Vietnam, and commanded a group of U.S. soldiers and South Vietnamese civilians as they fought against a North Vietnamese siege of the village of An Loc, the last obstacle between the NVA and the city of Saigon. For 60 days they held their ground and managed to escape the city when reinforcements finally arrived.

He's moved on from those days. He worked his way up the Army ranks to Lieutenant General, and was featured on the cover of Newsweek magazine in 1984 as the face of the New American Soldier. He taught at West Point and Dickinson College, and has authored countless books and given countless lectures on leadership and honor. He was honored by West Point with the Distinguished Graduate award in 2002.

Uncle Walter has lived in Virginia forever, so throughout my life I've only seen him intermittently. Whenever he came to visit, he always brought gifts and stories. I can remember countless times just sitting in my living room, listening to Uncle Walter. He's one of the greatest storytellers I've ever heard. I love and respect him very much, and I'm proud of the person he has become and the way he has lived his life. So today, November 11, I say thank you to all the Uncle Walter's in this great country. There's no adequate atheistic way to put this, so all I can say is... God bless you all.

Ed. note - props to JC for reminding me what this day's all about

Ashcroft Resigns; also, Crime and Terror have been Defeated

2004-11-09T22:07:00.000-05:00

Follow me here. On October 29, after viewing a videotape in which Osama bin Laden reminded Americans of his continued presence and the threat that he continues to be to the security of this country, the President issued a statement that read:

"I also want to say to the American people that we're at war with these terrorists and I am confident that we will prevail."

That confidence was apparently well-founded. Today, November 9, John Ashcroft resigned. (I won't count my blessings until someone who is a little less of a conservative wacko takes his place.) Anyways, in his hand-written resignation letter to Bush, Ashcroft wrote:

"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved."

So, as we can clearly see, at some point between October 29, 2004, and November 9, 2004, the safety of all Americans has been achieved from both crime and terrorists. Huzzah! Just another ridiculous example of the hot air that this administration is so fond of blowing.

G'bye Ash. Every time I look at Lady Justice's bare breast and have unpure thoughts, I'll be reminded of you.

Hillary in 2008? No way.

2004-11-07T23:04:00.000-05:00

A political rant this evening (in all its unedited glory). Between writing an objective memo (turns out that despite the World Series and election, I'm still in law school) and spending time with friends and loved ones, I've neglected the blog since the immediate aftermath of the election. So I've been thinking a lot about 2006 and 2008 and what must be done to set things right in this country. I even looked at some old electoral college maps (1996, 1992, 1964) to remind myself that America hasn't always been run by zealots. And everything I've thought about and read has brought me to this one conclusion:

Hillary Rodham Clinton is NOT the answer.

If there's anything that this election has shown us, it's that the Republican operatives have done an excellent job of dividing this country in such a way that they have achieved a majority. They've done it by usurping "moral values" as a way of recruiting people of every religion, rendering the Democrats seemingly godless. Through the politics of fear (both of terrorists and -- gasp -- homeosexuals), they've reached out to minority groups and people of low economic status in such a way that Hatian immigrants in Miami or poor farmers in Idaho don't even realize that the economic policies of this administration will actually hurt their chance of succeeding in American society.

What the Democrats need to do is to regain some of the moral authority that John Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson once had as they fought for civil rights and economic freedom. Both of these men advanced the greater good of society while simultaneously fighting a war that left our citizens fearful of imminent disaster. Yet, they were able to say to the people of our country, "The government is keeping you safe from the communists, but we recognize that you fear for your economic security and your civil liberties at the same time and we are striving to protect these, as well." This was a message that did not appeal only to one segment of society, but to all.

Which brings us back to present day. The Republicans in power have usurped national security and moral values as their own. Because Democrats attempt to protect civil liberties, they are branded as opponents of freedom. Because Democrats are willing to entertain the idea that homosexual relationships might be legitimate, they are labeled as valueless. So how do the Dems regain both the moral high ground and the mantle of "protectors" of the American way of life?

What it requires is a politician that absolutely radiates positivity with a clear and concise message; someone who can comfortably chat with the Mississippi preacher and can philosophize with the New York intellectuals; someone who can effectively argue that freedom and safety needn't be mutually exclusive; someone who can connect with every level of our society as "one of us." It must be someone who can speak to the core values that all Americans share, just as Kennedy did in 1960, Johnson in 1964, and Bobby Kennedy in 1968 before his tragic death. Although we may not know who this person might be today, I can assuredly say this:

Hillary Rodham Clinton is NOT that person.

In order to recapture the message that has been overtaken by the party of the rich and powerful, the Democrats need a fresh start. Prominent Democrats in the past 6 years have simply not gotten the job done. The current crop of Democratic hopefuls are just too tied in with the failure that the Democratic party has been since 1998, and they each have strong unelectable characteristics. Kerry was too easily labeled a "Massachusetts Liberal," which is a code word for someone who is arrogant and out of touch with everyday citizens (and, I think we might agree, Kerry didn't do a great job eschewing that label). Even if the media hadn't labeled him crazy after the Iowa rally, Howard Dean almost certainly would have fallen to the same fate (for goodness sake, he was governor of Vermont when they allowed civil unions!). Gephardt, for all his good nature (and I truly believe he's a great person), has failed to lead the party for the last 16 years. Edwards, I'm afraid, may be too closely associated with Kerry to give him a viable future as a candidate. Lieberman is a Republican.

None of these candidates have the ability to make people of the other party stop and say, "Y'know, I just like the guy." (Edwards's personality might be engaging, but he's been labeled as a "trial lawyer." Apparently, at some point in the past 4 years, trial lawyers have gone from being the people who fight for the little guys to being the reason the little guy is paying high insurance premiums. Funny how people seem to be unaware that the "Litigation Explosion" is actually a huge myth that is most likely perpetuated to justify these insurance hikes... but I digress...) This is, policies aside, one of the more important aspects of a successful candidate. In 2000, Bush came off like your best friend while Gore seemed more like an arrogant college professor. Carter was extremely likeable (but equally ineffective). Apparently, everybody loved Reagan. And, say what you want about his personal predilections, Bill Clinton is one of the most captivating speakers I have ever heard. When he talks, you sit back and listen. Which brings me back to my point.

People hate Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Not everybody, and certainly not me. Actually, hate is a strong word. But many Americans do already have an opinion about Hillary, for better or for worse. She power-hungry, so much so that she sacrificed her personal dignity to remain First Lady after Lewinskygate. She's a carpetbagger for moving to New York just to run for the Senate. She's a liberal (gasp! that word again!).

It's not even the woman, herself. The image of Hillary Rodham Clinton is simply too polarizing. In a different year, I might wholeheartedly support her. But in November of 2004, this country is already extremely polarized, and guess what? Hillary Clinton is in the wrong 48%. What we've learned from this election is that the anti-Bush, anti-Republican vote simply isn't enough to get it done. The Democrats need a politician who can reach out, recapture and refocus the party's lost message, and bring Americans together.

That politican is not Hillary Rodham Clinton. Just like Dole in '96, Mondale in '84, Goldwater in '64, and Nader every year, a Hillary Clinton campaign in 2008 would be destined to fail. And the Democrats simply cannot afford another failure.

Rove defeats Kerry!

2004-11-03T08:10:00.000-05:00

It's cool, I don't think Americans really wanted civil liberties, a clean environment, economic stability, health care, or diplomacy (and I don't think homosexuals are real people with feelings, either, so that's fine). Seriously, thank goodness we have a President who believes what he believes so strongly that he convinces 51% of the American public that blatant lies are the truth. Saddam Hussein started 9/11? Sure! The Iraqis will welcome us with open arms? Excellent! Mission Accomplished? Thank God! More soldiers have died since we declared victory than during the "military phase" of the war, and now we're in a complete quagmire because we had no exit strategy to begin with, and the UN is pissed off, and Al-Qaida is recruiting like crazy?

Lies spewed forth by liberal agitators.

A draft? Seems like a logical conclusion to the way America is handling the deployment of troops in Iraq... but I don't like the idea of a draft so therefore it won't happen. Because this is America and in America, things don't happen that you don't want to happen. That is, unless that thing happens, and then the propagandists tell me that this thing is actually what I did want to happen. What's that Mr. Rove? Oh silly me, I've strayed from my talking points. Stay the course. War on Terror. Massachusetts liberal.

If the Dems could create a propaganda machine even 1/10th of what the Republicans have, the truth would carry them the rest of the way. But thank goodness they don't. I'm looking forward to being told what to think for the next four years.

Seriously, Obama... your time can't come soon enough.

Career Services Orientation

2004-11-02T16:15:00.000-05:00

They picked the worst possible day for this. I have a huge memo due tomorrow, I have to vote, I have to do laundry, I'm behind on reading, and the last thing I want is to be held hostage by a bunch of people who want to tell me that I can't afford to get the necessary experience so I'll never get a real job. Rather than suffer alone, I hopped onto the IM for consolation from my classmates. A running diary naturally ensued...

3:15
Must register at the door. Handbook, agreement forms, scrubs issued, number assigned.

3:17
This lady is ridiculously boring. I’m not even paying attention. Actually, I’m deciding that I want to write a running diary of this session instead.

3:20
Ooh, now someone else is talking. This is exciting.

3:25
Apparently I have to get legal experience during my summer employment. Good to know. There aren’t that many paid 1L jobs available.

3:26
Esther: shoot me
Me: I would but the security detail confiscated my firearms at the door.

3:29
She notes that we should not let the job search detract from academic work. Good lord, would the sweet sledgehammer of irony please fall on my head and kill me now.

3:33
Large firms. I have a 1/500 to 3/500 chance of working in a large firm this summer, I’m told. I wonder what those odds are for smaller firms (anticipates next slide).

3:35
Small firms add on “as-needed basis.” So basically I won’t get a job at a firm. Which is good to know, since I didn’t intend on working at a firm anyways. Ok, I didn’t intend on working anywhere. I have no idea what I’m doing this summer. Maybe the Red Sox are hiring.

3:36
Changing of the guard. Now we’re talking about Government and Non-profit jobs. As interesting as this all is to you reading about it, just imagine how great it is for me listening to it.

3:38
“I’m on the admissions committee and I’ve read many of your essays, so I know that all of you have a deep desire to use your careers to help the greater good.” She just inadvertantly called each and every one of us on the BS we put in our admissions essays. Hilarious.

3:40
If I have to use the bathroom, will one of the guards that they've posted at the exits shoot me down? Wondering if I should give it a try.

3:42
The slide describes potential “Judicial Externships.” I don’t get it.

3:43
Ooh, here’s the fun part. Most of the non-profit and government positions don’t pay. Summer stipend from BC of $3500 for the work. Hmm. My budget it approximately $1800 a month. So that’s… less than two months worth of pay to get me from May to September. So basically I can’t get an internship at a firm and I can’t afford to get one in government or public interest. And I can't get a real job without legal experience during the summer. Excellent. Thank you, Career Services.

3:49
I’m being told how to network. Thankfully, my parents have drilled this into me since high school. Not that I do it. But I know how. So I’ve got that going for me.

3:50
Make a chart/list of lawyers I know or people I know who know lawyers. Precisely what I want to do over Thanksgiving.

3:52
Career Services is here for me. To quote Bill Simmons (c’mon you knew it was going to happen), I will now light myself on fire.

3:53
Twenty-two minutes to go.

3:56
That’s a very nice suit she’s wearing. Black pinstripes from what I can tell. Also, she speaks in a monotone. Looks kind of rigid. I wonder… Fembot?

3:57
There will be a workshop for resumes. The will also be workshops for networking, interviewing, dressing oneself, and walking and chewing gum at the same time.

4:03
Thank god. Game over. Outta here. Don’t forget to vote Kerry, everyone.

4:14
Amusing note as I'm finishing this post. I look up and -- surprise -- Milton is asking the counselors a series of questions. I mouth "RUN" to them, but I don't think they understand. Hopefully they don't have anywhere they need to be in the next hour.

Remember back in Game 4 of the ALCS?

2004-10-30T14:17:00.000-04:00

ESPN.com's Page 2 featured this illustration the next day. Loved it so much I saved it.

No Words

2004-10-30T13:58:00.000-04:00

Found via the SoSH website. If you're a Sox fan and don't frequent SoSH, well... you're missing something. Also, if you're a Sox fan and don't know who's in the picture, or what's going on... you're also missing something.

It's getting a little dusty in here.

I Never Thought I Would Write These Words

2004-10-28T09:21:00.000-04:00

World Series Champions
Boston Red Sox

Think about how many old people who have always said they just want to live long enough to see the Sox win the Series. Do you realize how many people are going to drop dead today?

Amazing. So I think this leaves some big questions. Clearly we have to retire "Yankees Suck." So do we chant "Year Two-Thou-sand"? "Who's your Papi"? "A-Rod Is A Ball-Slapping Bitch" (that one's hard to find a good rhythm for). Man oh man. Unreal.

Passing the Time in Property Class

2004-10-27T16:40:00.000-04:00

Assignment: Compare and contrast the United States and England.

me: color - colour
hillary: elevator - lift, highway - tarmac, they're just so silly over there
me: bathroom - loo
hillary: Britney Spears - the Queen
me: fart jokes - crossdressing
hillary: life savings on braces - bad teeth and/or prince william jaw
me: miller time - tea time
hillary: religious crazies - atheists (the Brits win on this one!)
me: burger and fries - fish and chips (push)
hillary: danger: third rail - mind the gap
me: walden pond - stratford-upon-avon
hillary: look left before crossing - look right (how many Americans have almost lost their lives in London?)
me: superfans - hooligans
hillary: common law - civil law (screw the details!)
me: southie - cockney
hillary: new kids - beatles
me: Aerosmith - Queen
hillary: snow - rain
me: Billy Joel - Elton John
hillary: Charles - thames
me: EST - GMT
hillary: SNL - ??????
me: SNL - Monty Python
hillary: that's what i was thinking!

Wow.

Yet Another Red Sox rant

2004-10-23T14:11:00.000-04:00

This was in response to a ridiculous article I read on SI.com. The link is here.

Where do I begin? First of all, get the facts straight. It seems clear that you've done no research whatsoever, and have simply relied on perpetuating stereotypes to write this article. After all, Babe Ruth was traded in 1920--two years after the Sox won their last World Series. But it's a lot more convenient to say it was 1918, isn't it?

Let me provide you with a little taste of reality. This "woe-is-me" New Englander idea is a complete myth. You so much as acknowledge this in your discussion of the Pats' run. We're predominantly the same group of fans, after all. But no, the media has decided that Red Sox Nation is woebegone, with Ben Affleck as our annointed spokesman, and there isn't a thing those of us living in the real world can do about it.

Not every New Englander believes in that silly curse, as you seem to believe. I think you'll find that as a whole, New York fans have been much more fixated on it, if only as a means of harassing their Boston counterparts. To that extent, "Reverse the Curse" is more a rally cry--like Rally Monkeys, Homer Hankies, and Terrible Towels--than a substantive desire to overturn an actual curse. Clearly you must be capable of understanding that.

Furthermore, to say that Red Sox fans have an inferiority complex is similarly inaccurate. It implies that we would actually get pleasure from losing to the Yankees. Far from it. For generations, Yankees fans have waved their pennants in our faces and laughed at our failures. I think Curt Schilling put it best when he voiced his desire to go out onto the mound and make 55,000 New Yorkers shut up. All we ever wanted is equal footing, to render that obnoxious "1918" chant powerless. And whether we win a world championship this year or no, the way in which the Red Sox defeated New York this year--the greatest comeback in the history of baseball--has done that. The spectre of Yankee arrogance has been rendered toothless and meek, and Red Sox Nation is looking forward to sitting back, flipping on the tube, and watching a great World Series.

Who knows? Maybe a win for the Sox will silence lazy columnists with no original ideas of their own. But gosh, maybe then you'd have to write about the actual game and not the media-created fantasy surrounding it.

God that article pissed me off.

Random Thought on the Eve of the World Series...

2004-10-22T21:39:00.000-04:00

... $200 Million will get you a lot of caddies.

Greatest Comeback in Baseball History

2004-10-21T01:05:00.000-04:00

World Series here we come. Unbelievable.

To George Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman (rest in peace); to Alex Rodriguez and his purple lipstick; to Derek "The Winner" Jeter and Mariano "Invincible" Rivera; to everybody to laughed at the tears in my eyes after Aaron Boone crushed not only my hopes, but the hopes of an entire region; to everybody who ever shouted "1918" or "26 World Championships" as if those numbers have any relevance at all; to Jeffrey Maier and Bucky Dent; to anybody who ever argued that there was a "the Yankee way" that somehow guaranteed victory; to the entire city and region of New York, I say... [expletive deleted]. Ahem, make that... Who's your daddy now, Yankees?

Better luck next time.

World Series here we come. Unbelievable.

Update: After a night of letting this sink in, I apologize to those who may be offended by the above statement. I assure you that this was not meant for all Yankees fans. It was for the ones who laugh when the Red Sox lose, who throw garbage onto the field because the umpires don't let A-Job cheat, and who got right in my face after game 7 of the 2003 ALCS as I walked from the Campus Center commons up two flights of stairs, all the while chanting "1918" and laughing. To those people, I do not apologize. I'm sorry, but you deserve to know that your team just pulled the greatest choke job in baseball history. And to be reminded. Again. And again.

...and that is why A-Rod isn't allowed to play in the sandbox with the other little girls

2004-10-20T01:28:00.000-04:00

Section 6.1 (Offensive Interference):

While contact may occur between a fielder and runner during a tag attempt, a runner is not allowed to use his hands or arms to commit an obviously malicious or unsportsmanlike act such as grabbing, tackling, intentionally slapping at the baseball, punching, kicking, flagrantly using his arms or forearms, etc. to commit an intentional act of interference unrelated to running the bases. Also, if you pretend you didn't do anything wrong, you deserve to be bitch-slapped.

Ok, that last part wasn't in the rule. But it seems appropriate.

Highlights from Game 4

2004-10-18T11:46:00.000-04:00

I love my roommate. And even though we watched the game last night in separate apartments in separate towns, we talked on Instant Messenger throughout the course of the game. Some highlights:

sarah (9:00:56 PM): so ideally right now, bellhorn will walk
ChestRockwell45 (9:03:18 PM): ooh, strikeout
ChestRockwell45 (9:03:23 PM): didn't see that coming at all

sarah (10:23:52 PM): they're pulling lowe, why are they pulling lowe?
sarah (10:33:39 PM): is that grady little in a terry francona uniform?

ChestRockwell45 (11:01:45 PM): do you think they could fire francona in the middle of a game?

sarah (11:02:08 PM): ok, so now we are bringing in foulke
ChestRockwell45 (11:02:11 PM): foulke in the 7th?
sarah (11:02:12 PM): in the 7th
ChestRockwell45 (11:02:13 PM): is he fucking crazy
sarah (11:02:30 PM): it's a conspiracy i think
sarah (11:02:42 PM): the yankees pay people to manage the red sox

ChestRockwell45 (11:11:53 PM): and what happens if we do win tonight?
ChestRockwell45 (11:12:05 PM): and we have a small lead tomorrow night
ChestRockwell45 (11:12:22 PM): who is going to close the game after foulke pitches three goddamn innings tonight?
ChestRockwell45 (11:15:39 PM): he'll use wakefield
ChestRockwell45 (11:15:50 PM): which is ridiculous, but
sarah (11:15:58 PM): pretty much the only option
ChestRockwell45 (11:16:00 PM): right
ChestRockwell45 (11:16:05 PM): he's closed before
sarah (11:16:11 PM): in which case, we have no one to pitch game 6
ChestRockwell45 (11:16:16 PM): schilling
sarah (11:16:25 PM): it's all coming together
ChestRockwell45 (11:16:28 PM): you gotta figure, he'll get through two innings
ChestRockwell45 (11:16:33 PM): and then we can bring in mendoza and leskanic
sarah (11:16:38 PM): and then you start with the worst relievers
ChestRockwell45 (11:17:11 PM): i love how we're anticipating each others' punchlines
sarah (11:17:20 PM): it's kind of scary

sarah (11:19:51 PM): i think i need to start drinking
ChestRockwell45 (11:19:56 PM): you haven't yet?

ChestRockwell45 (11:27:02 PM): why do i feel like we're down by 5?
sarah (11:27:11 PM): cause rivera's warming up
ChestRockwell45 (11:27:15 PM): oh right

sarah (11:32:59 PM): i think what this series needs is a good brawl
sarah (11:33:08 PM): what do we have to lose, honestly?
ChestRockwell45 (11:33:33 PM): see what i would have done is bring in leskanic
ChestRockwell45 (11:33:37 PM): peg sheffield in the head
ChestRockwell45 (11:33:41 PM): and then bring in timlin
sarah (11:34:16 PM): maybe mendoza to take a out matsui in between
ChestRockwell45 (11:34:21 PM): that would be nice

ChestRockwell45 (12:03:18 AM): he pinch-ran roberts for millar
ChestRockwell45 (12:03:33 AM): why do i feel like varitek grabbed roberts and pushed him toward the field
ChestRockwell45 (12:03:45 AM): and francona was like "no, i don't know if i want to do that"
ChestRockwell45 (12:03:49 AM): and varitek pushed him out
sarah (12:04:09 AM): maybe varitek will gag francona and tie him up
sarah (12:04:12 AM): and take over the team

(Bill Mueller drives in the tying run)
ChestRockwell45 (12:05:44 AM): yes yes yesChestRockwell45 (12:05:53 AM): yesyesyesyseyesyeyseyesys
sarah (12:05:59 AM): aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
sarah (12:06:16 AM): bill mueller is fucking clutch!

(Pokey comes in to play second in the 10th)
ChestRockwell45 (12:19:47 AM): POKEY!!!
ChestRockwell45 (12:19:50 AM): thank god
sarah (12:19:52 AM): yessssss
sarah (12:20:27 AM): wait, was the good managing?
ChestRockwell45 (12:20:36 AM): haha he had to, he pinch-hit for bellhorn
ChestRockwell45 (12:20:54 AM): although he very well might have put in mirabelli at 2B
ChestRockwell45 (12:20:55 AM): or schilling
sarah (12:22:09 AM): mendoza?
ChestRockwell45 (12:22:33 AM): haha wakefield
ChestRockwell45 (12:22:43 AM): swing and a one-hopper to second
ChestRockwell45 (12:22:46 AM): wakefield, back in the hole
ChestRockwell45 (12:23:04 AM): knuckleball to mientkalphabet who scoops it out of the dirt for out number one

ChestRockwell45 (12:40:20 AM): they showed the bullpen
ChestRockwell45 (12:40:26 AM): i just threw up in my mouth
sarah (12:40:28 AM): myers and leskanic
sarah (12:41:54 AM): might as well be mirabelli and kapler
ChestRockwell45 (12:42:02 AM): i'd prefer mirabelli and kapler

sarah (12:44:00 AM): we are going to walk sheffield to get to matsui... who is batting like a thousand
ChestRockwell45 (12:44:13 AM): that's what mccarver is suggesting
ChestRockwell45 (12:44:20 AM): then again, mccarver wants the yankees to win
sarah (12:44:47 AM): in all fairness, so does francona

sarah (1:10:35 AM): i have to work in less than 7 hours
sarah (1:10:54 AM): they should cancel boston tomorrow

(Quantrill comes in to pitch the 12th)
ChestRockwell45 (1:20:55 AM): wait, who is this pitching?
sarah (1:21:05 AM): jeter
ChestRockwell45 (1:21:22 AM): haha i kind of thought he'd be more of a catcher

(Manny leads off with a walk)
sarah (1:19:28 AM): didnt we already see this inning?

(And finally...)
ChestRockwell45 (1:21:36 AM): YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
sarah (1:21:40 AM): oritz
sarah (1:21:48 AM): !!!!!!!!!!!
ChestRockwell45 (1:22:07 AM): ladies and gentlemen, we are still alive

So that was exhausting. And, at quarter to two in the morning, i went to bed and promptly slept through the alarm in the morning. Good times. C'mon Pedie, we need this one.

Oh, and apparently I'm in law school too. Maybe they'll cancel school until the playoffs are over...

I Don't Even Know What to Say...

2004-10-14T22:06:00.000-04:00

YOU ARE RULE 20(a)!

You are Rule 20, an important part of the Federal
Rules' policy of permissive joinder. You are
designed specifically to allow as many parties
in an action as can be tried efficiently, and
you'll include someone as long as there is some
factual overlap between a claim involving them
and the rest of the case at hand. You are
popular, out-going, and are never far from
friends. However, your overly gregarious
nature and magnanimous approach do make things
a bit crowded--you're the reason that lawsuits
are often cluttered with innumerable parties
and even more numberous claims for relief.
Still, despite the crowds that you attract, you
can't argue with the efficiency of getting
everything done at once!

Which Federal Rule of Civil Procedure Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You know law school is beginning to take over your life when...

Seriously, I don't know what's worse: the fact that I took the quiz at all, or that the answer makes sense to me.
This is all thanks to Ms. Jennings, by the way. Good show, Ms. Jennings, even if you are a big bad scary 12(b). Oh god I'm becoming one of them...

Do You See an Answer here? Because I don't...

2004-10-10T14:33:00.000-04:00

QUESTIONER: President Bush, during the last four years, you have made thousands of decisions that have affected millions of lives. Please give three instances in which you came to realize you had made a wrong decision, and what you did to correct it. Thank you.

BUSH: I have made a lot of decisions, and some of them little, like appointments to boards you never heard of, and some of them big.

And in a war, there's a lot of -- there's a lot of tactical decisions that historians will look back and say: He shouldn't have done that. He shouldn't have made that decision. And I'll take responsibility for them. I'm human.

But on the big questions, about whether or not we should have gone into Afghanistan, the big question about whether we should have removed somebody in Iraq, I'll stand by those decisions, because I think they're right.

That's really what you're -- when they ask about the mistakes, that's what they're talking about. They're trying to say, "Did you make a mistake going into Iraq?" And the answer is, "Absolutely not." It was the right decision.

The Duelfer report confirmed that decision today, because what Saddam Hussein was doing was trying to get rid of sanctions so he could reconstitute a weapons program. And the biggest threat facing America is terrorists with weapons of mass destruction.

We knew he hated us. We knew he'd been -- invaded other countries. We knew he tortured his own people.

On the tax cut, it's a big decision. I did the right decision. Our recession was one of the shallowest in modern history.

Now, you asked what mistakes. I made some mistakes in appointing people, but I'm not going to name them. I don't want to hurt their feelings on national TV.

(LAUGHTER)

But history will look back, and I'm fully prepared to accept any mistakes that history judges to my administration, because the president makes the decisions, the president has to take the responsibility. (emphasis added by me, the blogger)

Unbelievable. And you wonder why the international community considers the United States to be arrogant. "I've probably made mistakes but if I did they were small ones, and even then, I don't want to tell you what they are."

Also worth noting is Prof. Yen's assessment of Bush's "mixed messages" argument. "So what I'm hearing you say is, even if we're screwing up now, the best course of action would be to keep screwing up because fixing it would send mixed messages to our troops."

Another point: props to Kerry for his reference to the "Orwellian" names the Bush administration puts on its initiatives, particularly the "Clean Skies Act," and "Clean Water Act," which make the skies and water less clean.

Everyone who is reading this should visit factcheck.org. It's an independent website with the sole purpose of pointing out factual inaccuracies by the two presidential candidates. The great thing about Kerry is that I know he would admit to his mistakes. Bush probably thinks that "facts" are part of a liberal conspiracy, just like math and the word "nuclear." (thank god his top priority is to reduce nucular proliferation. apparently you don't need to appear competent to win the presidential election. i may have a chance, afterall...)

I Enjoy the Red Sox, Whiskey Sours, and DOMINATING THE ANAHEIM ANGELS

2004-10-07T09:49:00.000-04:00

"Privity of contract is based upon the common law that two parties enter a relationship and it's the two parties and they are the parties."

Oh, that makes sense.

Jesus God.

Quick Thoughts

2004-10-03T11:56:00.000-04:00

A. The Patriots are so clutch. SO clutch.
2. The Red Sox. The Angels. Lock and load. This is going to be fun.
2a. I hope there isn't any actual homework I have to do for the next 3-4 weeks.
III. Rest assured, President Bush knows how the world works. I know this because he told me in the debate. Multiple times. He also knows that Osama bin Laden attacked us. Just checking.
FOUR. I'm running out of numbering systems.
cinque. la vita è piu bella in italiano
f) G-G-GOR H-H-HAM R-R-RAM Go Gorham Rams!

Ok, I'm done. Couldn't let a weekend go by without posting.

Advantage: Frankenstein

2004-10-01T04:55:00.000-04:00

Believe whatever you want to believe, but you have to put a LOT of spin on that debate to come out saying anything except that Kerry won handily. Bush looked befuddled, he looked annoyed, he didn't answer the questions asked of him, and he didn't really respond to any accusations made of him. He simply repeated hollow catch phrases like, "it's very hard to be President." Of course it's hard! What does that even mean?

My favorite recurring exchange was when Bush would say "Kerry is sending mixed messages, he doesn't know where he stands on Iraq," and then Kerry says, "Saddam was a threat but you went about this whole thing the wrong way and now we're stuck in this war with absolutely no exit strategy and an international community that is entirely against our action. The way to get out of this is to restore the world's faith in America, build a true multi-national coalition (no disrespect to Britain and Italy -- and Poland-- but there are quite a few other countries out there who have a stake in world peace and freedom from terror... and how strong is this current "coalition" if we're bearing 90% of the casualties and 90% of the costs?), increase the international presence in Iraq, train the Iraqis to be self-sufficient, ensure Iraq and the world that America has no long-term designs on their country, and withdraw peacefully."

To which Bush responds, "Kerry is sending mixed messages, he doesn't know where he stands on Iraq."

And the conservative analysists follow the lead and say that Kerry's position still isn't clear. Aaah spin.

Anyways, this was Bush's turf. All he had to do was hammer home his record, defend why the war in Iraq was a necessary extension of the war on terror, and so forth. And he didn't do any of it. All he did was call Kerry a flip-flopper. If this was Bush's strong policy area, I can't wait to see him debate domestic policy. Until then...

Advantage: Frankenstein.

Four Straight Days of Contracts are Weighing on All of Us...

2004-09-30T14:06:00.000-04:00

Katz: (yelling) What is a thumbs up?
tara (9:21:52 AM): a hand gesture
tara (9:21:59 AM): a writing
ChestRockwell45 (9:22:14 AM): a document
Milton: A conveyance of manifest intent toward the initiative...

god save us all

Thoughts Arrive Like Butterflies

2004-09-29T20:57:00.000-04:00

Procrastinating yet again, drinking some good java out of a cup -- nay, a goblet -- that would make the Mad Hatter jealous. Washing laundry for the first time in two weeks. Paying my bills and helping cook dinner. Basically doing everything except figuring out what exactly a Carbolic Smoke Ball is.

An idea for the Posse (Milton included)... let's see who among us can induce the most no's from our professors tomorrow. A contest of feigned -- but more often, actual -- ignorance. If you get more than 20, I will pay you $50 (a unilateral contrat that I will unquestionably revoke as you near 18). See, I can talk about acedemic things in my blog, as well.

But I should probably crack the books now, or "hump" them as a good friend's mother is fond of saying. At least, I think she was talking about books. A good evening to all, and for those about to rock -- including my girlfriend -- I salute you.

Citations are a bitch

2004-09-29T03:44:00.000-04:00

That's all I have to say about that.

Propelling forward together through cooperation and the mutual utilization of our assets...

2004-09-29T01:31:00.000-04:00

Millar and Cabrera have a handshake, too. I am speechless.

Just for kicks, here's a link: Teeny Tiny Girl Squad!!!

Gabe Kapler, the Hispanic Jew

2004-09-27T16:26:00.000-04:00

Another quick observation. On the Boston Red Sox, there is a group of guys who have very elaborate handshake/high-five routines that they go through every time a guy hits a homer or scores a run, or during a post-game celebration. The group includes Orlando Cabrera, David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, and... Gabe Kapler? Watch for this. Kapler is all about the handshakes and it brings me amusement to no end. I love this guy!

That is all.

Bah ba bada, bah bah bah dada dada bah bah bum bah! Tequila!

2004-09-27T16:15:00.000-04:00

OR

How I Spent My Sunday Recovering From My Saturday

I don't think we need further explanation here. Note to self: Drinking on an empty stomach is bad. Really, really bad. But now I'm back and only a day behind on work. Also, my good friend Lauren came from home this weekend so I could help her study for the GREs, and what actually happened is that she mothered me all day. So, love to Lauren. Sorry I wasted your Sunday, too.

But it's time for another wonderful day of law school. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and the Sox just annihilated the Yankees for two straight games. Rock on.

Grady Francona

2004-09-25T18:33:00.000-04:00

Oh, and since this is my own personal blog I can't go without noting that Tito Francona has apparently been possessed by the late Grady Little. You put Pedro back in for the 8th, ok fine. He gives up a game-tying homer to the first guy he faces. He's thrown 110 pitches.

GET HIM OUT.

Did Francona watch last year's ALCS? Jeez. That one goes squarely in your lap, Tito. The real test will be in the post-season. Make the same mistake again, then we have a real issue. I write this because you, Terry Francona, field manager of the Boston Red Sox, are obviously reading my blog.

Kobe Bryant's Thing (Not for virgin eyes)

2004-09-25T18:19:00.000-04:00

Turns out that the funniest thing ever is Kobe Bryant's uncensored interview with the police in Vail, Colorado. I literally wasted half an hour reading some 40 pages of transcript, and it's all comedy gold. Some highlights:

Detective says they've collected some "physical evidence" of intercourse
Bryant: I stopped. No semen, no nothing
Detective: Did you finish?
Bryant: No.
Detective: Well, there's always pre-ejaculation, are you aware of that?
Bryant: Are you kidding me?
Detective: I'm not kidding you, it's... they teach you that in 7th grade sex ed.

Detective: I guess to be honest with you, I'm not sure if we're getting all the facts presented to us as far as what exactly happened. See this is the way I look at it, you know, she's an attractive young lady, okay...
Bryant: She wasn't that attractive.

Detective: When did she make the comment that she wanted to sleep with you?
Bryant: When we were having sex.

There's also a nice passage about "Kobe's Thing," which isn't what you think it's referring to... it's a little more graphic.

That's it for now. Enjoy.

Ed.'s note - fixed the link to "Kobe's Thing" so now you actually will see what I'm talking about... start at the arrow and work your way down.

Don't forget to leave your footprints

2004-09-25T18:00:00.000-04:00

Feel free to leave a note or otherwise. Explore the studio space with your comments. Really. Explore the space. (That sounds like a good title...)

Oyez oyez oyez!

2004-09-25T17:55:00.000-04:00

God Save the Queen and this Honourable Blog!

Greetings and welcome to the creation of my first blog. I have no idea what I'm going to post on this thing, but I imagine that it will evolve just as most things do. I'm sure I'll keep it updated because it's yet another wonderful way to procrastinate.

New Era Begins Now

2003-11-30T14:25:00.000-05:00

i'll pretend i posted this back then instead of a year later