Our Gov't Doesn't Think The 1st Amendment Should Protect Potty Mouths

If the bill passes the Senate, Bono saying "fucking brilliant" on the air would carry the exact same penalty as illegally testing pesticides on human subjects. And for the price of Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" during the Super Bowl, you could cause the wrongful death of an elderly patient in a nursing home and still have enough money left to create dangerous mishaps at two nuclear reactors. (Actually, you might be able to afford four "nuke malfunctions": The biggest fine levied by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission last year was only $60,000.)
- From RollingStone.com

A glimpse into my psyche

As if we needed any further confirmation that I've completely lost it:
Last night I had a dream that involved a fun house, airplanes, my estranged mother, halloween costumes, and Father Gregory Kalscheur performing a kick-ass drum solo at a rave, complete with strobe and black lights. I think he was wearing a headband too. Or maybe it was a bandana.

God Bless You, #54

As many of you probably know (if only from reading this blog), I am obsessed with professional sports. As many of you also probably know, Patriots LB Tedy Bruschi was taken to Mass General earlier this week with a mild stroke. It doesn't look like he's likely to play again, which is just devastating considering that two weeks ago today, he was jumping routes and plugging holes in the Super Bowl like there was no tomorrow. Still, one's health is far more important than their occupation, and I hope that whatever decision he makes about his future, he makes wisely. Still, it doesn't mean I'm not going to miss seeing #54 suit up every week. You have to love a guy who plays like his hair is on fire, who always makes the right play at that key moment. There won't ever be another Tedy Bruschi. Let's all just hope for a full recovery, both mentally and physically.

Things Liz and I Talked About While Studying Torts Today

Liz's example of a Defective Product with little utility:
"Tutus for monkeys that are flammable." The question remains: is it the tutu that's flammable? Or the monkey?

Examples of Assumption of Risk:
- The warning says "Do not submerge toaster in water" so the plaintiff says, "I wonder will happen" and ZAP!
- Plaintiff, running toward an electric fence, shouts, "I'm going to sue you!" and throws himself onto the fence. This of course led to a discussion of the safest thing to wear when throwing oneself onto an electric fence: sports bra and sweatpants. I think that was meant for Liz.

This led to lots of discussion about electric fences. Liz was apparently unaware of the true danger of relieving oneself on such a fence...
Mike: Think about it. It's a stream of water, through which electricity can travel, flowing from point A to point B; point B being an electric fence and point B being--
Liz: [cringing] Oh, is that what...? OW!!! I thought it just made sparks!

ongoing...

McNabbed!

Oh come on, I can have fun with the title, can't I?

Super Bowl XXXIX
New England 24
Philadelphia 21
Bruschi to Dallas: "I'll see your three rings in four years..."

A few quick notes here:
- Terrell Owens gets a clean slate in my book. Hell of a performance. And did you see that spinning left cut he made on his good ankle? Amazing example of someone using every last ounce of energy and ability to overcome a huge physical disadvantage. Not quite Schillingesque (I'm not the first to turn it into an adjective, and I won't be the last) but still amazing.
- I have no problem with the wing-flapping celebration. Yes, it's a bit out of character for the Pats to be mocking an opponent. But I think another thing about T.O. is that he can take it as well as dish it (see: Lewis, Ray).
- Deion Branch's leaping fingertip grab over the head of whoever the Philly defensive back was in the fourth quarter. I was SURE it was intercepted. There was absolutely no way Branch could have caught that ball. The guy is like 5'6. And yet, he hits the ground, gets up and starts running like he actually caught it. I didn't believe it until I saw the replay. Absolutely the best catch I've ever seen. Way to go, Mr. MVP.
- In case you didn't notice: Adam Vinatieri did, in fact, kick the game-winning field goal yet again. It just came with 9:21 left on the clock this time.
- Any stat-heads out there can correct me on this, but I believe that Mike Vrabel was the first man in Super Bowl history to record a sack and a touchdown catch in the same game. And he's done it in consecutive Super Bowls. The second time with 6'4" defensive end Javon Kearse wrestling him to the ground, no less.
- I guess Freddie Mitchell must have been referring to a congratulatory handshake.

Final thought:
McNabb and Reid basically choked this one. Go back and look at Super Bowl XXXVI against the Rams and Super Bowl XXXVIII against the Panthers and you'll notice a familiar pattern. Close game for a while, dominated by defenses. Patriots take a lead but the other team's QB (Warner/Delhomme) keeps clawing back. They tie the game with less than two minutes to go, setting the stage for a game-winning drive by Tom Brady.

Last night? The Eagles couldn't manage the clock to save their lives. They were put in the exact same spot (trailing mid-way through the fourth quarter) as the Rams and Panthers, and if they'd only been able to run a two-minute drill, we might have seen yet another heart-pounding ending. Instead, Philly ended up trying to start a game-tying drive with 46 seconds left while pinned at their own four-yard-line. Not enough time for a miracle, McNabb tries to do too much, and BAM there's Rodney Harrison, flying down the field with the final coffin nail firmly in his grasp.

Don't get me wrong. A 'W' is a 'W,' as the saying goes. But I think many football fans (from Philly, New England, and elsewhere) have to feel cheated by that collapse. What could have been an explosive and exciting finish just like the first two Patriot Super Bowls instead ended with an anti-climactic interception on a poorly-thrown down-field prayer.

All that being said, I'm proud of the way the Pats have played this season and can't wait until the fall.

Okay, so now that football is out of the way...


When do pitchers and catchers report?

Some Final Words of Wisdom from Prof. Sanford Katz:

Calm down.

Don’t overdo it. Your head can just take so much. It’s like a massive highway. And if you overload the circuits, you’ll be in trouble. Try to set up a schedule for yourself. The night before the exam, go to a movie. Don’t see Million Dollar Baby, that will depress you. Go see something light and fluffy. If you rent one movie, I’ll tell you what to rent: Chariots of Fire. (laughter) You know the movie? Why I recommend it is that it’s inspirational. And, um, how many have seen it? If you haven’t seen it, you rent it. Go out and rent it for inspiration because it’ll inspire you. Inspire you. (Are we allowed to play the theme song on headphones during the exam?) No, that’ll distract you. (pause) But you can think about the theme song. I once wrote a whole final around that movie. (Can we bring anything?) No, my experience is you’ll write too much. Don’t overdo it.

Number two – do not leave your computers out of your sight. We’re a great, honest law school, a wonderful community, but sometimes around this time, people get a little crazy. Don’t leave it at all unguarded. As sure as I am standing here, someone in the first year (not in this section because you’re too bright) someone will have their notes taken. Someone’s notes, their whole life. It happens. And then after the exam, it’s found.

And years from now, when I'm in the nursing home, come see me.

And with that, he whisked out the door to a spontaneous round of applause, never to be seen again. No really. As of this moment, we are not allowed to talk to him. His own rule. Eh, not that it will matter. So long as late E. Allan Farnsworth is around, we'll be ok.

That Was Pretty Much the Worst Rendition of "Who's On First?" in the History of the World

Katz: Who knows “Who’s on First?”
Marty: I do.
Katz: Do you know "Who’s on First?"
Marty: Okay, who’s on first?
Katz: No, no, no, no. "Who's on First?"
Marty: Who’s on first?
Katz: First. Who’s on first?
Marty: Second base.
Katz: Second. Who’s on first?
Marty: What?
Katz: First. You see, it’s the old Abbott and Costello routine. The joke is, their names are First, Second, and Third.

At which point, everybody laughs. He thinks we’re laughing with him.

For any of you who don't see the humor, here's the actual routine, courtesy of Baseball-Almanac.com.

God Bless the Man

"It's incredible... What more can you ask for? Even being mentioned in the same sentence as Jesus or God... I mean, those guys are awesome. I'm just a knucklehead." - Johnny Damon