Saturday, November 20, 2004

Gender Equality At Last
or, the Wonders of Threading


It began with this unsolicited announcement yesterday:

From: Starr G.
Subject: Brow Threading (Monday, 12-2pm)
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 2004 11:51:29 -0500
To: Section1@bc.edu

Hello Ladies,

There is now no excuse for bushy eyebrows. Reena Sign will be coming to BC's BLSA office on Monday, November 22. She will be in the BLSA office from 12-2pm to thread eyebrows. This technic for shaping brows is extremely effective and some say it's better than waxing. She only charges $5 and it only takes a few minutes. She also does facials and face waxing. We need to take a study break anyway so why not do something productive? All are welcome!

Best,
Starr



Never one to shy away from an obvious punchline, I included this subject line in an email I sent out earlier this evening:

From: Michael Douglas
Subject: Section 1 Men want their Brows Threaded, too (also, found textbooks)
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 20:56:32 -0500
To: Section.1@bc.edu

Hola, my bushy-eyebrowed section-mates... [and so forth]


Here comes the funny part. Not ten minutes later, I find this in my mailbox:

From: Starr G.
Subject: Re: Brow Threading (Monday, 12-2pm)
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 21:04:06 -0500
To: Section1@bc.edu

Brow threading is also open to any men who need or want it.

Best,
Starr


ChestRockwell45: I love how she took me seriously that the men might have wanted to partake in this eyebrow waxing seminar but had been disuaded by the initial email
Maura: first of all, i must stress that waxing and threading are, in fact, separate and distinct means of eyebrow maintenance
ChestRockwell45: well i would be unaware of that distinction as, prior to starr's emancipating email, i had been deprived of the opportunity to experience this particular technique
Maura: i've only heard rumors of the wonders of threading...


say what you want about my work habits, but at least i'm productive when i procrastinate

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Happy Birthday, Ms. Query: A Tribute

Twenty some-odd years ago, in a hospital (or perhaps a taxi cab), a little girl was born to two loving parents whose names I do not know. And on that fateful day of November 18, nineteen-eighty-something (or perhaps nineteen-seventy-something), the world changed forever. The young princess Jessica came home that night to her house or apartment, which may have been on Macaroni Street in a small coal mining town in Pennysylvania - a town so small that it had no name. Her favorite color was red, or perhaps purple or fushia, and she enjoyed either dancing or not dancing for hours on end. She was either a tomboy or not, may have tried out for sports -- perhaps even excelled -- and devoutly followed a particular Protestant sect, the name of which escapes me at the moment. She befriended several people with whom I am not familiar, and probably had a falling out with one of them, perhaps in high school. Upon graduating from high school, she met several people who became longer-term friends than those she knew in high school, and I can definitively say that it was at this point that she met one Michael Coughlin. She went on to attend and graduate from Saint Josesph College in Connecticut. Some more time passed, during which she did things that made her happy and probably some things that did not. She was then accepted at and chose to attend Boston College Law School, which was the greatest day of her life. Then she had some people over to play Trivial Pursuit and eat her bruscetta, which was amazing. Then her friends arranged for an elaborate scavenger hunt that ended in a surprise birthday party. Yep, that brings us right up to 11:30pm today, her birthday.

Jessica, congratulations on your twenty-something years. May your next twenty-something be pleasant, plentiful, and significantly less vague.

Ed. note - Getting to know people is a slow process. Next year the biography will be significantly more complete.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Question: What is it? (updated)

Answer:
- A writing
- A document
- Nothing
- Something
- A house
- A comfortable house
- Acceptance
- Not a short story
- Notice
- An Offer
- A hand gesture
- A Contract
- Nothing
- Wrong
- Consideration
- Reliance
- A gift
- NO no no no
- A promise
- Mere puff and blow
- A red and green sign!
- A piece of paper
- Well, of course it is, but
- An agreement
- A formality
- It's in your notes!
- It's 12!
- Nothing
- A bargained-for exchange
- Motivation
- A counter-offer
- An announcement
- An invitation to deal
- A role-play
- Nominal consideration
- A moral obligation
- A ring
- A barren cow
- Well, technically, what?
- Enforceable
- Lapsed
- No no, don't use the word "void"
- A condition
- A psychic benefit
- Not enforceable
- Seriousness of purpose
- Some sort of weird freudian benefit
- STOP. Tell me about that.
- That's a conclusion
- Question mark
- It... is... nothing!

More to follow as the situation warrants...
Ed. note - New entries in bold, but the list will always end with the obvious.

Oh that's what it is...

ChestRockwell45: she's so empathetic
query: it's her uterus
query: she can't help it

Monday, November 15, 2004

It's hard to concentrate on contributory negligence...

...when you're living in Nazi Germany.

Infer what you want, but I present to you a brief timeline:

1933: Hitler appointed Chancellor of Germany.
2001: Bush appointed President of United States.

1933: Tragic destruction of the Reichstag building in Berlin. In order to protect Germany from the Communists, Hitler issues the Decree for the Protection of People and State, which granted Hitler's government sweeping powers, laying the foundation for a police state.
2001: Tragic destruction of World Trade Center towers in New York. In order to protect America from the Terrorists, Bush proposes the Patriot Act, which granted Bush's government sweeping powers, laying the foundation for a police state.

1934: Hitler orders a purge of the SA, terminating all who are disloyal to his philosophy.
2004: Bush orders a purge of the CIA, terminating all who are disloyal to his philosophy.

Am I arguing that Bush is a genocidal tyrant like Adolf Hitler? Of course not. But it's an interesting parallel. And something to think about instead of studying for 1L midterms.

Ed. update - Clearly I'm not the first person to notice this coincidence, nor am I the most eloquent. An example.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Uncle Walter

Today is Veterans Day, where we honor our soldiers both past and present. It's a special day for many of us whose family and friends have served. Whenever this day comes around I think of my Great Uncle Walter (my grandmother's brother, hence my great-uncle).

Uncle Walter served as a Colonel in Vietnam, and commanded a group of U.S. soldiers and South Vietnamese civilians as they fought against a North Vietnamese siege of the village of An Loc, the last obstacle between the NVA and the city of Saigon. For 60 days they held their ground and managed to escape the city when reinforcements finally arrived.

He's moved on from those days. He worked his way up the Army ranks to Lieutenant General, and was featured on the cover of Newsweek magazine in 1984 as the face of the New American Soldier. He taught at West Point and Dickinson College, and has authored countless books and given countless lectures on leadership and honor. He was honored by West Point with the Distinguished Graduate award in 2002.

Uncle Walter has lived in Virginia forever, so throughout my life I've only seen him intermittently. Whenever he came to visit, he always brought gifts and stories. I can remember countless times just sitting in my living room, listening to Uncle Walter. He's one of the greatest storytellers I've ever heard. I love and respect him very much, and I'm proud of the person he has become and the way he has lived his life. So today, November 11, I say thank you to all the Uncle Walter's in this great country. There's no adequate atheistic way to put this, so all I can say is... God bless you all.

Ed. note - props to JC for reminding me what this day's all about

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Ashcroft Resigns; also, Crime and Terror have been Defeated

Follow me here. On October 29, after viewing a videotape in which Osama bin Laden reminded Americans of his continued presence and the threat that he continues to be to the security of this country, the President issued a statement that read:
"I also want to say to the American people that we're at war with these terrorists and I am confident that we will prevail."

That confidence was apparently well-founded. Today, November 9, John Ashcroft resigned. (I won't count my blessings until someone who is a little less of a conservative wacko takes his place.) Anyways, in his hand-written resignation letter to Bush, Ashcroft wrote:
"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved."
So, as we can clearly see, at some point between October 29, 2004, and November 9, 2004, the safety of all Americans has been achieved from both crime and terrorists. Huzzah! Just another ridiculous example of the hot air that this administration is so fond of blowing.

G'bye Ash. Every time I look at Lady Justice's bare breast and have unpure thoughts, I'll be reminded of you.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Hillary in 2008? No way.

A political rant this evening (in all its unedited glory). Between writing an objective memo (turns out that despite the World Series and election, I'm still in law school) and spending time with friends and loved ones, I've neglected the blog since the immediate aftermath of the election. So I've been thinking a lot about 2006 and 2008 and what must be done to set things right in this country. I even looked at some old electoral college maps (1996, 1992, 1964) to remind myself that America hasn't always been run by zealots. And everything I've thought about and read has brought me to this one conclusion:

Hillary Rodham Clinton is NOT the answer.

If there's anything that this election has shown us, it's that the Republican operatives have done an excellent job of dividing this country in such a way that they have achieved a majority. They've done it by usurping "moral values" as a way of recruiting people of every religion, rendering the Democrats seemingly godless. Through the politics of fear (both of terrorists and -- gasp -- homeosexuals), they've reached out to minority groups and people of low economic status in such a way that Hatian immigrants in Miami or poor farmers in Idaho don't even realize that the economic policies of this administration will actually hurt their chance of succeeding in American society.

What the Democrats need to do is to regain some of the moral authority that John Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson once had as they fought for civil rights and economic freedom. Both of these men advanced the greater good of society while simultaneously fighting a war that left our citizens fearful of imminent disaster. Yet, they were able to say to the people of our country, "The government is keeping you safe from the communists, but we recognize that you fear for your economic security and your civil liberties at the same time and we are striving to protect these, as well." This was a message that did not appeal only to one segment of society, but to all.

Which brings us back to present day. The Republicans in power have usurped national security and moral values as their own. Because Democrats attempt to protect civil liberties, they are branded as opponents of freedom. Because Democrats are willing to entertain the idea that homosexual relationships might be legitimate, they are labeled as valueless. So how do the Dems regain both the moral high ground and the mantle of "protectors" of the American way of life?

What it requires is a politician that absolutely radiates positivity with a clear and concise message; someone who can comfortably chat with the Mississippi preacher and can philosophize with the New York intellectuals; someone who can effectively argue that freedom and safety needn't be mutually exclusive; someone who can connect with every level of our society as "one of us." It must be someone who can speak to the core values that all Americans share, just as Kennedy did in 1960, Johnson in 1964, and Bobby Kennedy in 1968 before his tragic death. Although we may not know who this person might be today, I can assuredly say this:

Hillary Rodham Clinton is NOT that person.

In order to recapture the message that has been overtaken by the party of the rich and powerful, the Democrats need a fresh start. Prominent Democrats in the past 6 years have simply not gotten the job done. The current crop of Democratic hopefuls are just too tied in with the failure that the Democratic party has been since 1998, and they each have strong unelectable characteristics. Kerry was too easily labeled a "Massachusetts Liberal," which is a code word for someone who is arrogant and out of touch with everyday citizens (and, I think we might agree, Kerry didn't do a great job eschewing that label). Even if the media hadn't labeled him crazy after the Iowa rally, Howard Dean almost certainly would have fallen to the same fate (for goodness sake, he was governor of Vermont when they allowed civil unions!). Gephardt, for all his good nature (and I truly believe he's a great person), has failed to lead the party for the last 16 years. Edwards, I'm afraid, may be too closely associated with Kerry to give him a viable future as a candidate. Lieberman is a Republican.

None of these candidates have the ability to make people of the other party stop and say, "Y'know, I just like the guy." (Edwards's personality might be engaging, but he's been labeled as a "trial lawyer." Apparently, at some point in the past 4 years, trial lawyers have gone from being the people who fight for the little guys to being the reason the little guy is paying high insurance premiums. Funny how people seem to be unaware that the "Litigation Explosion" is actually a huge myth that is most likely perpetuated to justify these insurance hikes... but I digress...) This is, policies aside, one of the more important aspects of a successful candidate. In 2000, Bush came off like your best friend while Gore seemed more like an arrogant college professor. Carter was extremely likeable (but equally ineffective). Apparently, everybody loved Reagan. And, say what you want about his personal predilections, Bill Clinton is one of the most captivating speakers I have ever heard. When he talks, you sit back and listen. Which brings me back to my point.

People hate Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Not everybody, and certainly not me. Actually, hate is a strong word. But many Americans do already have an opinion about Hillary, for better or for worse. She power-hungry, so much so that she sacrificed her personal dignity to remain First Lady after Lewinskygate. She's a carpetbagger for moving to New York just to run for the Senate. She's a liberal (gasp! that word again!).

It's not even the woman, herself. The image of Hillary Rodham Clinton is simply too polarizing. In a different year, I might wholeheartedly support her. But in November of 2004, this country is already extremely polarized, and guess what? Hillary Clinton is in the wrong 48%. What we've learned from this election is that the anti-Bush, anti-Republican vote simply isn't enough to get it done. The Democrats need a politician who can reach out, recapture and refocus the party's lost message, and bring Americans together.

That politican is not Hillary Rodham Clinton. Just like Dole in '96, Mondale in '84, Goldwater in '64, and Nader every year, a Hillary Clinton campaign in 2008 would be destined to fail. And the Democrats simply cannot afford another failure.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Rove defeats Kerry!

It's cool, I don't think Americans really wanted civil liberties, a clean environment, economic stability, health care, or diplomacy (and I don't think homosexuals are real people with feelings, either, so that's fine). Seriously, thank goodness we have a President who believes what he believes so strongly that he convinces 51% of the American public that blatant lies are the truth. Saddam Hussein started 9/11? Sure! The Iraqis will welcome us with open arms? Excellent! Mission Accomplished? Thank God! More soldiers have died since we declared victory than during the "military phase" of the war, and now we're in a complete quagmire because we had no exit strategy to begin with, and the UN is pissed off, and Al-Qaida is recruiting like crazy?

Lies spewed forth by liberal agitators.

A draft? Seems like a logical conclusion to the way America is handling the deployment of troops in Iraq... but I don't like the idea of a draft so therefore it won't happen. Because this is America and in America, things don't happen that you don't want to happen. That is, unless that thing happens, and then the propagandists tell me that this thing is actually what I did want to happen. What's that Mr. Rove? Oh silly me, I've strayed from my talking points. Stay the course. War on Terror. Massachusetts liberal.


If the Dems could create a propaganda machine even 1/10th of what the Republicans have, the truth would carry them the rest of the way. But thank goodness they don't. I'm looking forward to being told what to think for the next four years.

Seriously, Obama... your time can't come soon enough.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Career Services Orientation

They picked the worst possible day for this. I have a huge memo due tomorrow, I have to vote, I have to do laundry, I'm behind on reading, and the last thing I want is to be held hostage by a bunch of people who want to tell me that I can't afford to get the necessary experience so I'll never get a real job. Rather than suffer alone, I hopped onto the IM for consolation from my classmates. A running diary naturally ensued...

3:15
Must register at the door. Handbook, agreement forms, scrubs issued, number assigned.

3:17
This lady is ridiculously boring. I’m not even paying attention. Actually, I’m deciding that I want to write a running diary of this session instead.

3:20
Ooh, now someone else is talking. This is exciting.

3:25
Apparently I have to get legal experience during my summer employment. Good to know. There aren’t that many paid 1L jobs available.

3:26
Esther: shoot me
Me: I would but the security detail confiscated my firearms at the door.

3:29
She notes that we should not let the job search detract from academic work. Good lord, would the sweet sledgehammer of irony please fall on my head and kill me now.

3:33
Large firms. I have a 1/500 to 3/500 chance of working in a large firm this summer, I’m told. I wonder what those odds are for smaller firms (anticipates next slide).

3:35
Small firms add on “as-needed basis.” So basically I won’t get a job at a firm. Which is good to know, since I didn’t intend on working at a firm anyways. Ok, I didn’t intend on working anywhere. I have no idea what I’m doing this summer. Maybe the Red Sox are hiring.

3:36
Changing of the guard. Now we’re talking about Government and Non-profit jobs. As interesting as this all is to you reading about it, just imagine how great it is for me listening to it.

3:38
“I’m on the admissions committee and I’ve read many of your essays, so I know that all of you have a deep desire to use your careers to help the greater good.” She just inadvertantly called each and every one of us on the BS we put in our admissions essays. Hilarious.

3:40
If I have to use the bathroom, will one of the guards that they've posted at the exits shoot me down? Wondering if I should give it a try.

3:42
The slide describes potential “Judicial Externships.” I don’t get it.

3:43
Ooh, here’s the fun part. Most of the non-profit and government positions don’t pay. Summer stipend from BC of $3500 for the work. Hmm. My budget it approximately $1800 a month. So that’s… less than two months worth of pay to get me from May to September. So basically I can’t get an internship at a firm and I can’t afford to get one in government or public interest. And I can't get a real job without legal experience during the summer. Excellent. Thank you, Career Services.

3:49
I’m being told how to network. Thankfully, my parents have drilled this into me since high school. Not that I do it. But I know how. So I’ve got that going for me.

3:50
Make a chart/list of lawyers I know or people I know who know lawyers. Precisely what I want to do over Thanksgiving.

3:52
Career Services is here for me. To quote Bill Simmons (c’mon you knew it was going to happen), I will now light myself on fire.

3:53
Twenty-two minutes to go.

3:56
That’s a very nice suit she’s wearing. Black pinstripes from what I can tell. Also, she speaks in a monotone. Looks kind of rigid. I wonder… Fembot?

3:57
There will be a workshop for resumes. The will also be workshops for networking, interviewing, dressing oneself, and walking and chewing gum at the same time.

4:03
Thank god. Game over. Outta here. Don’t forget to vote Kerry, everyone.

4:14
Amusing note as I'm finishing this post. I look up and -- surprise -- Milton is asking the counselors a series of questions. I mouth "RUN" to them, but I don't think they understand. Hopefully they don't have anywhere they need to be in the next hour.